136 Days
by adyinglight
Summary: She was rescued by her mother, father, and a friend from the Silence, but she does not remember her life before the kidnapping. The Doctor is her father, River Song is her mother... but she can't remember them at all, all she knows is pain.
1. Awaken

I was on the edge of life. That's how they like it. I don't know who they are or where they're from, but this I know: they just keep me. Days like this, I welcome death. I am broken, a shell of the person I once was. They search me, search my mind and soul, but what they want is so guarded in there I can't even me to suffer so that I can give them what they want. But I can't remember. I just can't. I live and breathe. That is all. They don't need to feed me; I am in some sort of stasis cell that maintains my vitals but leaves me with only pain to keep me conscious. It hurts. So much.

They tell me of a Doctor, someone who hovers at the edge of my mind that I can't quite place. They want me to know about him, telling me terrible stories of the things he has done. I don't even listen anymore. They cannot make me believe anything these days; my mind has no capacity to be anything but in agony.

Today's method is still a mystery, but I am sure I can guess what it is. Last week they had a particular affinity for a certain hot poker. Just yesterday they had gone back to water, a favorite of two months back. I have been trapped for 136 days and can remember every single thing they have done to me; that is all I can remember. I can't see their faces anymore, can't see the walls around me or any escape. I just see the fire, the water, the dirt, the chains, sharp things scratching and clawing me until my skin hangs off me. Then the sick beauty of the stasis cell kicks in, closing me up, only leaving scars that look old and ruined.

If this Doctor is real, I am not sure if he is my friend or enemy. I have lost all recollection of my past; any life I may have had before this one has locked itself away inside my head. I know the past 136 days of consciousness, but nothing before. I function on instinct and survival, something I can't even do without the stasis these days. It is sad to think that there may be no one out there that cares enough to save me. This is why I beg for death: there may be no one coming. Ever.

Yet, today is different. My body tells me it is late in the day as I sense the people outside my cell are settling in for a nap. I should be getting my routine dose of adrenaline cocktail into my direct line chest tube, something the sadistic folks holding me invented so that I may never sleep, forced to be aware and conscious at all times. But that familiar burning in my chest as the chemicals enter never comes. Almost instantly my body begins to black out, as it is so used to routine that going one night without it may send me into endless hours of sleep-catch-up.

My cell door explodes with light. There is much noise around me, and I think I am supposed to move, but I am just so tired… I need to stay though, the stasis hasn't healed today's wounds…

Time passes slowly now. I fade in and out, vaguely conscious of something touching me, unfamiliar movements and smells entering my awareness. That awareness fades more, and for the first time in 136 days, I sleep.

_i dream of three things: a man, a woman, and a boy. there are others there, but those are the most important. they do not have faces. they say strange words. there are things. _

_fire. water. dirt. metal. noise. burning. burning. burning._

_STARS._

_ever so many._

_the boy. his name. not there._

_the man. no name._

_the woman. more than one name. _

_ticktockgoestheclock. ._

_wakeup_

I am in an actual bed, and it smells clean. This is such a drastic change that I sit up immediately, then regret it. My head throbs. The man next to me shouts, "River! Frem! She's awake!" The words mean nothing to me except: awake. I am awake. I am alive, out of the stasis cell.

The man is almost crying, and he reaches out to gently touch my face and kiss my forehead. "What hurts?" He searches my eyes. "Just lie back down, the head rush will pass. You've been sleeping for five days, you're going to feel a little out of it, but no worries! You'll be back saving the universe in no time! We got you out as soon as we could." He swallows, closes his eyes. "I am so sorry, Ariadne. I will never forgive them for what they have done to you." A smile twitches out of the corner of his mouth. "I love you. So much. I'm so glad you're safe again."

Safe again would imply being safe before, but I can't remember a time when I have been safe. To my disappointment, I can still only remember those 136 days. But this man, this tearfully happy man in front of me is a stranger. "Who…," I try to speak, but speech other than tortured screaming feels strange, almost painful in my throat.

"It's okay, take it easy. I've given you something for your throat, you wore it out pretty good and had some sort of infection. The antibiotics took care of it, you're still recovering." That makes sense. It is comforting to know I am being taken care of then.

I try again, "Who… are… you?" I manage to get out without too much pain.

"What? Wait, nevermind, don't try to speak again. Did you ask me who I am?" He spoke in a frantic panic, pulling out a strange device that flashed green as he passed it over my head. "No. Please, no. Ariadne, please tell me you remember. Please! Don't do this to us." I am silent. He spins around once, clutching his head in his hands. He takes a deep breath with his back to me. "Ariadne…," he whispers, to himself I think.

"Is that my name?" I think it is. "Ariadne." It sounds right as it rolls off my tongue. "Yes, it is. I'm… I'm so sorry." It feels like the right thing to say, as he looks so terribly sad that I don't know him.

"Don't apologize to me Ariadne, never. This is all my fault entirely." I don't say anything to that. "I'm the Doctor," he says, and my eyes widen. He seems to want to say more, but pauses, catching the recognition in my eyes.

"They talked about you," I explain, "You… that was the only name I ever heard. The Doctor. They were trying to… to ask me things… but I couldn't… I didn't know who you were." I shuddered involuntarily. "They didn't believe me when I said I didn't know. Those were the water days…" No. I was not ready to talk about the pain yet, not while it was still fresh. My cheek felt wet and I realized I was crying. I reached up to feel the tears with wonder- I had not cried since day 54. That was when I just lost the capacity for it.

"It's my fault," he repeated, a mask of mute horror on his face. "They wanted you… well it seems at first they just wanted information. Because they're smarter this time around. They were timing it better." I didn't understand a word of his mutterings, but I feel like I would, if I could remember who I was before.

"Who are you though? I know you're the Doctor. But who are you to me?" I had a sinking suspicion of the answer, putting things together, and it made me feel that much worse for the poor man.

He smiled dryly, his old eyes reflecting many years of wise sadness. "I'm your father." I let out a small sob, trying to apologize but he stopped me. "It's not your fault, it's okay." He reached out to wipe the tears off my cheek, and I let him because he was my father, even if I didn't remember that or the fact that he looked nowhere near old enough to be. He leaned in to wrap his hands around my shoulders to give me a little squeeze, which was when I let out a small scream. _hands coming towards me, holding me down by my shoulders, forcing me underwater, nails piercing my skin._

The Doctor jumped back, confused and concerned. It only took him a moment to understand. My mind was outside my body as I curled into a tight ball, crying and screaming, clawing at my shoulders to where hands would have been. "Oh no no no I'm sorry I didn't realize… It's okay, you're safe, it's only me… I know, I know it's hard. Ah, this is my fault I should have known you'd have some post-traumatic stress triggers…" I listened to him talk, letting the steady rhythm of his voice pull me back to reality, where I was safe and with my father, the Doctor.

I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes again. He was nearby, but not too close, looking tentatively at me with worry. I shook my head to clear it and shakily sat back up. "Doctor," I began unsteadily, fighting for control over all my instincts, "Can you make me remember?" I wanted it so bad, anything to stop hurting the man in front of me who I didn't know, yet felt so much affection for.

He considered this, moving his eyes back and forth, calculating. "I don't know, Ariadne." He moved closer to me, slowly taking my hand. He met my eyes, boring into them so sincerely that I could almost feel his regret. "Are you sure you want to remember?"

"I remember everything about the past 136 days, Doctor. All the things they did to me, every word they ever said to me. That is my life right now. That is all I know. The only thing that can save me is my past, because I believe that there is more to my life than that neverending pain."

He nodded once. "I'll be right back. Do you think you're up for two more visitors?"

I wasn't actually sure, given how much effort it took to sit up straight and talk right now, but I nodded anyway. As he was leaving, I had a thought. "Hold on," I called to him, and he paused in the door frame and turned. "Where am I? I know I'm safe. But where?"

The Doctor smiled. "We are in the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space. It's a space ship and a time machine. Right now, if you look out that window there, you can see your planet, Earth. We're in orbit." He said it as if he had said it a million times, but it sounded so impossible that it must be the truth.

With amazement, I twisted around in the bed to pull back the blue curtains of the small white room. There it was. Earth. I had heard them talk about Earth in relation to me, as my place of residence. I had never imagined it to be so beautiful. I was utterly speechless. I turned around to face the Doctor, to thank him for showing me, but he was gone.

I couldn't help but feel slightly off-put at being alone in this strange space ship, but I concentrated on the huge planet to calm me down as I waited for whoever was coming to visit.

Whatever happened from here, the only thing I wanted in this moment was to remember. When a woman and a younger man entered the room with that same sad look the Doctor had worn, I wished with everything that I had to recognize their faces, but I could not. The woman touched my hand, stroking it soothingly, holding back tears. "My name is River Song," she said, "I'm your mother. How are you feeling?" Mother…

All that pain, all that hopelessness… there really were people out there looking for me, caring about me. I just wish I knew who they were. "Hello," I said, smiling a little, flexing muscles in my face that felt sore and strange to use again. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all." It was hard to assess my injuries which, last time I checked should have gotten blood everywhere, when I had an obvious amount of painkillers in my system. The stuff wasn't really agreeing with me, and I felt a bit sick. River noticed the face I made and said, "Yes, that stuff is a bit hard on the stomach. Does wonders for headaches, though." She smiled and stroked my hair. "Listen," she started, looking into my eyes and I listened because I trusted her already. "I love you. I do. And I am so glad to have you home. I know you don't know me or know that this is home but… just know this, for now: You have been so very brave. I know it doesn't make up for everything you've gone through but I swear to you that you will never have to endure that again, Ariadne."

Too much. Too much. That, that… incarceration I lived through for months and months was brave? It was heroism? "I didn't feel very brave," I told her solemnly, staring right back at her numbly. "But thank you. Thank you all for saving me."


	2. Glass

I could handle this. I could deal. If I could get through the past 136 days as broken as I was, I can survive getting to know my family. Again, apparently. But the boy in the corner was throwing me off. River and the Doctor were my parents, that much was clear. I watched him for a bit, taking in his face which was a mask of blankness, staring at the planet out the window behind me. He was fairly tall and rather good-looking, I noted, pleased that I was still capable of that emotion. He had dark brown hair that stuck up at odd angles, framing a tired and pale face that obviously had not slept for a few days. There was something about him… I couldn't put my finger on it, but I could tell he was someone I should know. His face carried that same nagging feeling that the other's had: it was something in the corner of my eye, turning me away from my memories.

The room had been quiet as River asked the Doctor questions about how my health was, and the Doctor babbled away about complicated medical things and tests they still had to do and they worried aloud together. I didn't mind though, it was better that I could hear what kind of things were wrong with me rather than they try to hide them from me.

The boy kept trying to look at me, but couldn't seem to hold my gaze for more than a few seconds without having some sort of reaction. Finally, he came to sit next to me, taking my hand even more gingerly than River had. "Hello," he smiled sadly, "I suppose it's day one all over again, eh?" When I said nothing he sighed and continued, "Ah, Ariadne. I called you Ari most days." He laughed to himself at some private joke and ran his other hand through his hair. Then he broke, leaning to bury his face in my stomach-

The Doctor had grabbed him before his forehead met the thin gown covering me. "Best not. She's got a nasty wound there," he said softly, carefully. I hadn't felt it until the Doctor mentioned it but now that he had, I could feel it there. It wasn't painful, but I could feel the seam where my skin had been melded back together.

The boy sniffled and nodded, blinking quickly to compose himself. "Sorry. I just missed you so much. I know you don't know me, I do. But the you that knows me is in there somewhere-"

"This is me. There's not another person hidden away in my brain," I snapped half-heartedly, not enough fight in me to get truly irritated. It was true though. I felt like me, as complete as I could be right now, save the fact that my brain wasn't working right.

"It's me, Ari. It's Frem. Your fiancé." He was pleading for something, anything out of me. "Please, Ari." And then I felt bad for getting mildly irritated with him, because I could imagine that if I was in his position and someone forgot me, I would feel the same.

I dug into my mind, sifting and crunching through every day I had chronicled to find his name, his face, my marital status, anything. It just made my head hurt, a dull ache masked by the weird painkillers. "Frem," I tried out the name on my lips, but it was just another word to me. "I can't-," I winced as the headache seared. _darkness. darkness. burning and thrashing and writhing and screaming NO!_ I forced myself to the present, concentrating on the feeling of Frem's hand in mine, the cushion beneath my head, the sheets covering my body, _wrapping, constricting, and pain, so much. _I let out a whimper, not enough energy in me to scream. It felt like a hand was wrapped around my heart, squeezing me, terrifying me.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He asked, demanded really. River and the Doctor had shifted further away from my bed, towards a machine on the wall, but I saw them both focus back to Frem and I as his tone grew tense. I looked up, losing sight of the kindness of these people and just felt afraid, threatened by their demure presences. I curled into myself again, ignoring the protests of my wounds, wanting to be alone again yet not wanting to all at the same time.

No one touched me. Probably a good thing, as I felt like an unpinned grenade. I could hear them whispering but could not quite make out words.

I don't want to live like this- to always be afraid of something setting me off. They were cautious, but they could only guess at the "right way" to act with me. I was sure that I was changed; the Ariadne they knew was erased, leaving her shell behind.

I waved them away when they drew closer, just needing to catch my breath. Still, they stayed, all three gathered around my bed, checking tubes and wires and things. Something still felt off, but I ignored it, wanting to get something out. "I really, really wish I could remember you," I said, looking at Frem mostly, as he was still teary, "I am trying. I promise. I'll work as hard as I can, I just- Oh!" I realized what was putting me off- no feeding tube!

It was a very strange feeling. I wasn't certain about the exact science of it, but there had been a line going directly into my intestines to feed me. I didn't understand why they didn't just feed me through a conventional IV, but then again there were more important chemicals going into my IV at the time.

Wincing, I reached underneath my clothes to feel for the mark where it had been hooked up to me. I felt around on the new patterns on my skin, puckered and twisted lines so that it was impossible to tell which one came first. "How did you get me out with all that hooked up to me?" I whispered, still a little shocked by the way my stomach felt.

They all exchanged a look. Frem sighed, "Would you like to hear your rescue story Ariadne? Do you think you can handle that part of your past?" He sounded stronger, more sure of himself, so I nodded. "It took us… longer than we planned to track you down. We've dealt with The Silence before-"

"The Silence?" I interrupted, already confused.

"The creatures that… took you are called The Silence. You can only remember them while you're looking at them, so no one knows what they look like. I can explain more later, when you're ready," the Doctor interjected quickly.

Frem nodded. "Anyway, once we determined your location there was a matter of getting in. The TARDIS can only be inconspicuous for so long; the teleport sets off alarms and such. We had a few friends with us to hold off The Silence and their "servants" while we searched. Making a very long and stressful story short, I found you, dragged you out and into the TARDIS. I went a little… mad… when I saw you so I kind of just ripped you out from all that stuff you were hooked up to. Sorry about that." He paused, running his hand through his hair again, editing. I could only guess at what he cut out, but it probably involved screaming and blood. "Yeah but it took you about five days to sleep that off. Your body had to detox from stasis and all the crap they had you on plus you had a few surgical things, courtesy of the Doctor. Nothing major, just… repair. And now you're awake. The end," he finished uncertainly, looking at the Doctor and River, who both were watching my reaction.

"I want to know more details," I decided. "Don't spare me the gore. I'm quite used to it by now." If anything, I could verify that my memory of the 136 days was as accurate as I feared based on the injuries the identified.

Frem shook his head and looked to the Doctor, who looked at River expectantly. She rolled her eyes at him. "What details do you want, Ariadne? I don't want to give you any more stress than you already have." Her eyes were kind and patient as she sat on the foot of my bed.

I thought about that. I had no idea what might trigger another episode. But I needed to know how I was. I knew I was bad, that much I could remember and feel, physically and mentally. If there was any lasting damage, I would find out about it eventually, so might as well ask. "What exactly went bad… physically," I decided that was safe enough.

River spoke almost mechanically, rattling off facts: "The stasis cell was mostly crudely healing everything, but when Frem pulled you out there were still a few things it hadn't fixed. Hairline skull fracture, three splintered ribs which caused some internal bleeding, damage to the tissue in your larynx, and several second degree burns. Once we got you into the TARDIS's medical room the Doctor was able to close you up and force you to sleep for a few days, since it would not have been pleasant to be awake for that kind of detox. You were being fed so many different things that timelords aren't supposed to ever be exposed to…," she had to cut off, overcome.

"Yes. Yes, I remember those injuries. It was a metal day," I mused thoughtfully, not revisiting the memory, just acknowledging it. Thankfully no one asked what a metal day meant, so I figured I would continue. "That word, timelord. What does it mean? I heard them-The Silence- say that too, but I never understood what it meant."

"A timelord is a species, a race. It's what I am. It's what you are, mostly, and your mother," the Doctor explained. "There's more to it than that but… not important right now."

"The other part of you is human, in case you're wondering," Frem added in a brisk tone, "Like me. From Earth." I nodded, pretending to understand. I know there will be time for explaining and learning later.

"So do I live here?" I thought it was a good place to start, all things considered.

"Most of the time," River said, happy to be talking about something that wasn't so painful, "You and Frem would take trips sometimes, live on Earth a bit." Frem nodded, wearing a weird mix of a smile and a grimace on his tired face.

Then I remembered an important question, which felt really wrong not to know the answer to but there it was, all the same. "How old am I?" The look on Frem's face was getting more twisted, but I tried to ignore it.

"You just missed your twenty-second birthday," River stated calmly.

"Wait, hold on. Frem's my fiancé, yeah?" He nodded once, a smile flashing back. "When's the wedding?" I regretted the question as soon as I said it, but there it was, out in the open.

Frem laughed once, grinning with his eyes closed, probably remembering a happier time with me. The Doctor, who had moved to stand next to him, put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it once comfortingly. "It was, ah, yes, supposed to be last month. I mean, in relative time. Technically the date has been set on Earth, but, since we live in a time machine it hasn't been… postponed or anything. We just haven't travelled there yet," he said nervously.

I felt like screaming and crying all over again because he is a stranger to me. The way he looks at me, it is with recognition and love. The love radiates from him, and he is the only person in the room, but he takes up all the air and suddenly I feel like I can't breathe. I watch the Doctor stand, clap his hands together and babble something about rest, which I welcome. I know he senses me, maybe even in his mind, that I am done. He flips a switch and rummages around a bit, and then a pretty pink haze clouds my vision that allows me to sleep. The last thing I hear before I succumb is the Doctor's voice, whispering in my ear, "You won't dream." My eyelids flutter shut as I smile with faint gratitude. The monsters won't visit me in the darkness this time.

I don't want to be this. I don't want to be this fragile little hospital girl who leaves trails of glass as she walks so that no one can come near without getting hurt. In my mind, I know I am strong, or I once was. Strong enough to protect my mind from The Silence, at any rate. But that has been stripped from me as my 136 day long waking nightmare ends with a sharp rip of real, true sleep.


	3. Frem

And time passed. After a week I was well enough to leave that white room and explore the TARDIS, which I had been learning about. Together, my family (it feels strange calling them that) told me about my life. Nothing terribly specific about my past, but enough that I understood who I was and why The Silence may have wanted me. Of course, a lot of it was guesswork as I tried to settle into a comfortable life, but a sense of normalcy, a routine, is what helped me the most to work through… whatever I was working through. The Doctor made sure I took something every night to keep the nightmares away, but there were times that they broke through, leaving me at their mercy. River would slip in quietly and wake me up, sitting at the foot of my bed for the rest of the night, knowing that touching me would only make it worse. Those nights were when things really started to matter to me.

As much as I could understand, The Silence want to kill the Doctor, my father. He had a few theories on why, but the one he talked about the most was something about his name, his real name. Gallifreyan, the language that time had lost. He had told me of Gallifrey, the planet of the timelords, and what he had done, the burden he had borne for many years. He gave me knowledge of the whole universe, talked for hours as I soaked it all in. Every story he told me was filled with adventure, excitement, danger, and sometimes profound sadness. Donna Noble was evidently a household name, and he let me hear the Ood sing of her bravery and compassion while I wept for her unfair fate. He told me about Amy and Rory, my grandparents, and the Doctor's best friends, who we would visit as soon as I was "up to it."

From River, I learned of the Doctor. She would tell me the story of their lives together, their crossed and twisted time streams that tore them apart. She said that they had been "going linear" for a while now, just living in the TARDIS as she enjoyed her freedom from Stormcage. She whispered words of love with all the wisdom that I would expect a mother could share. River knew me, really understood me, and she shared with me just why that was. She was also taken by The Silence. They had not physically tortured her to the extent that they did with me, but she had suffered a lot mentally. She was brainwashed, molded into the perfect killer of the Doctor, but the first time she met him he had shown her just how much she would love him, and saved his life. She was controlled and sustained inside a spacesuit, trapped during her childhood by cold people and monsters. As days passed, River helped me better than the others because she knew my pain as well as being my own flesh and blood.

And then there was Frem. He was absolutely impossible some days; I would catch him sulking around, scribbling in a notebook, avoiding me one day then being overbearing the next. But I think that's what made me fond of him- he was so real, so human. He didn't know how to act around me, which was just as well since I didn't know how to act around him. But he was always there, giving me a smile when I needed one. We had taken to having breakfast together as I slowly gained back a sense of taste and what certain foods did to me.

The routine felt safe, natural even, yet I knew things were still not back to their normal way. Every so often I would say something and Frem would snap his head up and stare at me expectantly, as if my memory would magically appear. He gave me the determination I needed to try to recall memories. It seemed easier to talk about my past with him than with River and the Doctor because Frem is human. He has different instincts than the timelords do, different emotional capacity, and he wasn't always trying to get in my head because he wasn't that intuitive. The Doctor could become a presence in my mind, seeing my memories through my eyes, asking few and specific questions. Frem couldn't do that; he asked lots of questions, most of them not even important. He was trying to know me. Again.

One day, I asked him about me, about the Ariadne who was in love with him. I asked him about the last time he saw me before I disappeared. "What did you say to me? What was the last thing we did?"

He shook his head. "I don't like thinking about that day, Ari. Do you even know how The Silence got you away from me?" When I didn't answer he sighed and continued, wearing the look of a tired man. "We were on a pre-wedding trip. Nineteenth century Paris. We had only been there for two days; the Doctor had brought us there for a surprise. He does that when he wants some time with River. You wanted to leave our room; there was a street performer with fire causing a commotion down the street. He was throwing lit sticks in huge arches and circles in the air, and it lit up your face. We watched for a while, and you looked… so beautiful," he trailed off, reaching up to touch my face, his fingers just a whisper on my skin. I fought rising terror, swallowing it down and let him touch me. I could do it. "You still are," he said abruptly, dropping his hand and smiling. "On our way back to our place, everything became strange. We were out of breath, sweating, you were terrified. We got lost. It was so disorientating. Neither of us had a clue what was happening, just that we needed to run. But then I saw five black lines on your face. You know what that means?"

I nodded. The Silence crash course had been day 2 of recovery. "Well, I'm sure you can guess what happened next. It was so fast… One minute you were there with me, hand in mine. The next, you were gone, and I was on the ground, barely conscious. I still don't even know what exactly happened, but that's The Silence for you." He grimaced, and I watched the guilt and frustration wash over him. "I called The TARDIS, but it was too late. There was no trace."

"It's not your fault." I put my hand over his and squeezed.

"I know."

After a minute, he shook himself, getting it together. "Have you been to your room yet? Your real room, not that hospital place."

I hadn't. This surprised me. Despite the knowledge that I live here, I hadn't thought of something so personal. Frem led the way, navigating through the twisting corridors of the TARDIS with certainty. "It's right next to mine," he said, "Your dad wouldn't let us have one together." He seemed to regret saying it, but I laughed it away. Of course, I hadn't yet asked him about _that_ part of our relationship. It was too much for me to know about my past at this point. River had told me just yesterday to be careful with Frem, saying that the subject would hit too close to home as he dealt with my memory loss.

Entering the room was disappointingly unfamiliar. I couldn't picture myself in here, reading or sleeping or anything. It was painted a sort of soft red color and had little silver patterns and markings in random areas in what I guessed to be Gallifreyan. There was a huge bookcase with more books in one place than seemed possible. Mini post-its labeled sections of the shelf: physics, evolutionary biology, planets, parallel universes… "Have I read all these?" I asked incredulously, gazing at the vast display.

"Yes. And all of mine too. I haven't even read half of my own collection, and they're not even science books." Frem sat in the desk chair, watching me. It occurred to me I had not only lost memories of people, but also I had lost knowledge. I told myself it was buried somewhere in my head, that I would be just as smart as I was before, but I wasn't too confident about it.

I walked around, twisting towards the opposite wall. It was covered with pictures. The first thing I noticed in them was me. The Ariadne in the photos looked so much more alive than me. I was tan, my chestnut hair had more shine, I actually filled out clothes (the Doctor told me I had lost 48.3 pounds during my captivity). The largest picture featured a little girl, who I assumed was me, on a beach, back to the camera. She was in a purple one-piece and stood out against the pale white sand. The water in the background was orange, and the picture was taken at the exact moment when the water hit her feet. She was just standing there, staring at it. "Why did I like this picture?" I asked Frem, needing an insight into the strange myriad of color.

"You said it reminded you of firsts. You're only three in that picture. According to your mom, it was your first time in the ocean. It's Space Florida, that's why it looks like that." He laughed, a secret memory behind his smile. "And this one," he pointed to another picture, "you took the first day we met."

It was Frem, a simple picture. Just him smiling. But then I looked closer and I realized it was so much more than that. He was standing in front of a city I didn't recognize, his back turned to the window on top of a tall building, probably. He was smiling and laughing, but his face looked… beautiful. There wasn't another way to describe it. "I asked you to take a picture of me in front of the city, as an excuse to talk to you. You were alone, just walking around. 'Killing time,' you said. We spent the rest of that day together. I showed you London, you had never seen it in my century before. At the end of the day it started to rain but you let me kiss you. Then- well, I always say you kidnapped me- but you showed me the TARDIS and introduced me to your parents and just about begged them to take me to New London, on New Earth. You and them were the strangest people I'd ever met… but I think that's why I stayed. That, and you were too hot to let go after one night."

I laughed. It felt right, coming out of my mouth. Frem could make me feel so happy, but so torn at the same time. I willed myself into London, trying to feel that rain, witness his first trip in the TARDIS. But it wasn't there. I stretched my mind, but I was grasping at smoke.

He noticed that I was tensed. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "Was that too much? I don't want you to feel…"

"No," I said firmly, turning to face him. "You didn't do anything wrong. This is how things are going to get better. I have to keep trying to remember these things."

He still looked cautious. "I just don't want you to, you know, flip out on me or something."

I smiled. "I'll be alright. I'm… better with you. River's great, so is the Doctor, but you're… different."

"And that's good right?"

"Yeah."

We stared at each other for a moment, just looking. After a bit I gave up, turning back to the pictures. "Who are they?" I asked, pointing at a picture of a slightly younger me with a couple that didn't look too much older than I did.

"Your grandparents." He was still staring at me, but I didn't really mind, now that I understood what our relationship had been like.

"That's Amy and Rory?" He nodded. They looked so much different than I expected them to. Even so, I reasoned that they looked younger than most forty-somethings do.

Another picture caught my eye. I asked him, "And where was this picture taken?" I tried to do it casually, but I think I came off a little nervous because Frem laughed again.

"The day we got engaged."

"And where was that? On some far-off crazy planet with a jello ocean?" At this point, I'd believe anything. Truth was, the picture was the one where I looked the happiest in. Frem had his arm around me, face towards me, probably teasing me about something because I was laughing and had a hand on his chest, jokingly pushing him away. The Doctor was in the shot too, smiling proudly, hand reached out to someone out of the frame. I was about to ask why I like the picture but I knew: it was because it looked like an accident, a random moment suspended in time when everything was safe and sound.

"No, Ari. It was on Earth, in your grandparent's backyard. It was meant to be a surprise but I had forgotten that it's impossible to surprise you." He ran his fingers through his hair, looking back and forth at all the pictures fondly.

Everything happened very quickly then.

_Not impossible…_ Every day was a surprise with my prison guards, even the methods they repeated never followed a pattern. I felt my breath come faster as I lost feeling in my hands and feet. My head ached as I began to dissolve into a painful memory.

"No," I whispered, collapsing onto the bed, willing myself into the present. "Not now." I felt so alone, companioned by my own consciousness screaming at me to flee but fixed onto the bed beneath me I couldn't even feel. I didn't even realize I was thrashing about until I forced my eyes open to escape the darkness.

I couldn't hold it off for long, I was silly for thinking I could. I still wasn't strong enough, and it was maddening. The terror, the insane fear was slowly consuming me, licking at my body like red flames, the same color as the walls of the room that was getting smaller and smaller.

"Hey, Ari," a voice came into focus, warm, soothing. The monster in me paused, inquisitive. "You know when I realized I loved you?" My concentration was going all over the place, to a million different places, painful and numb all at the same time, but I began to fight for that voice. The sound was like a hand pulling me out of the place, wherever I was.

"I watched you fight. I watched you save the world. And I saw how strong you are. You have so much life in you Ari, so much fight. And I told you, 'I love you,' just like that. Simplest thing in the world." I felt it receding, whatever it was that was taking over. It retreated, back into the darkness that terrified me so much. I yearned for the voice now, wanting it to take the final punch and bring me back. I was slowly moving towards the present, feeling the ghost of a world around me.

"And I know you don't love me right now. Hell, you barely know me. But I know you and I know, I believe that you are strong enough to get over whatever this is. Because the Ariadne I know, the Ariadne that you are too, is gonna be ready to kick some Silence ass when this is all over." I slowed my breathing, twitched my fingers, feeling again. I opened my eyes, marveling at the light.

I was me. "Frem." It no longer was just a word. It was a name, his name, a complicated and fantastic name. I still didn't know what it was yet, what I was feeling, but I needed him, needed the warmth his voice gave me to be real. I slowly sat up to find him sitting a foot away from me on the bed. There was a second where I looked at him, almost a warning, then I reached for him.

He put his arms around me, bringing my head under his chin and kissing the crown of my head. I was so small in his arms, but I did not feel that familiar constriction as his hard arms closed around me. I felt whole, complete. It was the most contact I'd had in memory that had felt so right.

Frem was right. With help, I really could get better.

"Thank you."

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/subscribed to my story here! It is so exciting to see that people are actually reading this. Feel free to leave a review! I have big plans for this story, so stay tuned. My spring break is ending, so I'm going to continue updating hopefully on a weekly basis.**

**Much love, **

**Jessica**


	4. Silence

I grew stronger, and I did it fast. I had not been able to leave the TARDIS yet; we had been in orbit around Earth and a few other harmless planets for however long I had been here. That was the beauty of freedom: I no longer counted the days. River took me through physical therapy, running with me on the TARDIS's treadmills (from Earth, circa 2160), setting me into a daily routine of exercise designed to get my muscles back on track. I had started to gain some weight finally, thanks to the Doctor's unbelievably good cooking. Some color came back into my skin, and my cheeks filled out. When I looked in the mirror, I was pleased with how healthy I looked now compared to my first week or two on the TARDIS. I had more and more energy, which also meant that I was able to sleep longer at night with only minimal help from the drugs.

I still didn't fit into any of my clothes though, which was frustrating sometimes. River would subtly hint to the Doctor about a shopping trip, but he kept saying that we would go when I was "well enough." I would try to tell him that I felt so much better, that I would be alright outside for a few hours, that it would be good for me. He would just smile and ruffle my hair. "In time, Ariadne. I only just got you back. Got to be safe now, don't we?"

He finally gave in, bringing River and I to a shopping mall close to my grandparent's house so that Amy could meet up with us. Frem apparently had "something to do" on Earth and the Doctor had no interest in shopping, so it had turned into a girl's day. I was a little nervous; as much as I could feel that River was my mother, I could tell it was hard for her to settle back into a normal life with me when I don't exactly know what normal is.

"First things first, we need to get some sugar into you," she said, "then we can get you some jeans that actually fit you. Got your jacket?" We were about to leave the TARDIS, something I was suddenly terrified of. I had grown used to its warm and friendly interior where, although I still didn't know my way around completely, it felt like a real home. River seemed nervous too, checking her pockets multiple times to make sure she had everything: key, money, gun, phone. "Ready, love?" The Doctor had mentioned River's affinity for guns, something that made me nervous, but I guess it was safer for her to have it in the long run.

I tried to smile encouragingly, but River saw right through me, as she always does. "Hey," she said, softening her voice and taking my hand, "What's wrong? If you don't want to go, we can come back another day. It's ok."

"No." I shook my head. "I want to do this. It's just… I don't know. After all this time, all the adjusting… I'm just scared, it's stupid." I looked down at the glass floor, focusing on something beneath it, not wanting to show weakness after all I've been doing to be strong again.

River gathers me into her arms, a short but meaningful embrace. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Ari." I buried my face in her shoulder, needing her, needing my mother. She gently pulled back, taking my face in between her hands, meeting my eyes with compassion. "All of this, all that you're feeling, I get that. I really do. And it's hard. Every single day, for a long time, is going to be a struggle. But that's what makes us, those days when we go out and do something scary. The first time I met your father, I was supposed to kill him. You know the story. But he knew everything about me, knew me as the person I am today and that is what saved both of us. Look," she smoothed my hair back in a gesture she must have done a million times. "I know you. Whatever happens, you will always be my little girl, even when you don't know me."

I sniffled, feeling a wave of compassion wash over me. Of course River was this- the one person who could truly relate, use her own life to pull me out of uncertainty. Of course. Shaking my head once to clear it, I smiled with a bit more confidence. "Let's do it," I said, and stepped out of those strange blue doors into the real world.

I had never seen so many people in one place in my memories, so I was almost immediately dizzy with disorientation. But I didn't collapse into an episode, rather, I was fascinated. Humans everywhere, leading their lives, shopping. A whole civilization that had no idea who I was. It was a humbling feeling, since everyone I remembered knew everything about me. I had the urge to talk to these strangers, to find out what it's like to have a conversation with someone who knows nothing about me, people who could treat me like a random girl shopping with her mom.

River stood with me for as long as I felt like standing there, looking around. We were in a secluded corner, shielded by a tree, which I was confused as to why it was in an indoor shopping mall, but I digress. I turned to look back at the TARDIS, seeing for the first time what everyone meant when they said it was 'bigger on the inside.' "It's so small," I said is awe, resisting the urge to run inside and see if it was still the same way inside as before.

River chuckled at me. "Come on, love. Let's go meet your grandma." She put her arm around my shoulder and led me out into the open. We walked quickly through the busy center. I tried to soak it all in, listening to the gossip and arguments, smelling pretzels and coffee, touching benches and walls and people. It was a blissfully alive place. River wasn't looking around, she was watching me with a strange smile on her face. "Of all the people to be fascinated by a mall, it would be you," she said, shaking her head. I just smiled and continued on, remembering what Frem had said about firsts. Maybe that was my 'thing,' chasing first-time feelings. I knew there would be plenty of those to go around at this point.

She bought me a frozen yoghurt, I didn't even know what flavor, and watched me flip out over how strange and wonderful it tasted, the cold freezing my tongue and mouth. I had never felt so alive.

When we actually got to the shopping part, I was hesitant picking out clothes. I didn't really have a gauge of 'style,' not in the sense of what other people wore, but what past Ariadne would wear. River seemed to want me to figure it out on my own at first. "River," I told her, "Whatever I would wear… just tell me. Because I honestly just want things to be as normal as possible." And she went to work, a keen eye for my new size.

Amy still hadn't shown up, something that seemed to irritate River. We walked around as she tried to get a hold of her on the phone, but it was no use. A glimmer of sunshine floated in from the glass ceiling and I raised my head to feel its touch against my skin.

Everything changed in an instant. One moment, we were rounding a corner, aimlessly chatting. The next, we were halfway down the walkway, breathing heavily. Something wasn't right. River sensed it too and turned to me, looking afraid for the first time I had ever seen. Slowly, my hand trembling, I reached a hand up to her face, not wanting to see what I saw there. "River," I said, fighting to control the shake in my voice. "There are two black marks on your face." There was no time to look back; it would be too risky if we did, so we ran as fast as we could away from the creatures that apparently were behind us. She grabbed my hand as we ran, holding it so tight that I doubt I could even try to rip it away. Every single person in our way stared at us, confused and disorientated from the presence of The Silence in such an innocent, peaceful place.

We rounded another corner and River yanked me into a restroom at the last second. I collapsed against the wall, fighting to keep my breathing quiet and slow my racing pulse. "How… how are they here?" I got out, cursing myself for wanting to do this. I hadn't even thought that they would be out there, trying to take me back.

River shook her head. She was on the phone, urgently muttering into it. I assumed she was speaking with the Doctor, so I tried to calm down. He would get us out. She snapped the phone shut loudly and drew a gun out of her jacket pocket. "We're going to be alright, Ariadne. It's a short run back to the TARDIS and we're fine. The Doctor says there are two Silence right outside the TARDIS and have some sort of fix on it. I'll take care of them and we'll be on our way. But you've got to be tough, ok? I know you can fight, I've seen it." She sighed and shook her head, bracing her shoulder against the door. "I love you. Remember that," she said finally, then bolted out the door.

I followed her closely, keeping an eye out for The Silence or their accomplices. But how could I look for something when I didn't even know what it looked like? I hoped that the days I spent among them would give me a sense of where they were, if they were watching, but I couldn't be sure, couldn't trust my memories anymore. We ducked around another corner and had to stop abruptly.

It was a human servant, that much I was certain of. I had never seen him before, but he wore the weird metal eye-patches that they all do, and carried with him a feeling of hatred motivated by fear. These were the ones who had tortured me, who had laughed in my face as I silently endured in the stasis cell. "Well, well, well. Not one, but two part-timelords! Oh, they will be very happy with me," he laughed darkly, raising his gun at us. River was faster though, aiming her own gun without hesitation.

"Why do you need Ariadne?" River demanded, inching forward, finger resting on the trigger. "Not to kill the Doctor or she would have done it by now, yes? If you want to live, you'll tell me. Now." She scared me like this, all threats and violence. At the same time though, I knew this was her; she was in her element, running and fighting.

The man laughed. "It's not that easy, Melody Pond. Go ahead. Kill me. I've lived for this day, when someone will kill me out of fear."

"Ah but I won't kill you out of fear," River smiled, walking even closer to him. "I'll kill you out of hatred. For what you did to Ariadne."

A shot went off and the man collapsed instantly, but I looked down in confusion. It wasn't River who had fired.

"Well, run!" shouted the woman in front of us, her back already turned away and running. She was tall and skinny with red hair, who I could only assume was Amy Pond. I decided I would marvel about this later and continue running. Adrenaline pumped through my system, natural adrenaline, not that cocktail I used to be injected with, and, although I was running for my life, it felt kind of awesome. It made me feel like I could win, like I was going to make it to the TARDIS with my mom and grandmother, burning legs and sweat and all, leaving The Silence behind.

We rounded the last corner; I could just make out the fake tree we had landed behind. We must have seen the actual Silence because everything was fuzzy for a little bit; all of the sudden we were in the TARDIS, River and Amy's guns both smoking. The room shook as we took off, the Doctor yelling in a furious triumph as he flew us far, far away.

I sunk to the floor, the exhaustion finally catching up with me. I closed my eyes, running through the whole thing, identifying the memory holes and trying desperately to fill them. It was as useless as trying to remember my past. I kept trying though, until I heard the TARDIS come to a stop, when I snapped my eyes open and tried to stand up and find out what exactly had happened. The Doctor was by my side in an instant, helping me up. "How do you feel?" he asked me carefully, searching my face for some sign of trouble.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I'm alright. How did they find me?" The only way to calm myself down would be to talk and listen.

The Doctor stood there for a moment, trying to see if it was really true. Finally, he gave me a quick hug, backing off before I could begin an episode, which would probably be inevitable at this point. "I'm so sorry, but I don't know. Might be something to do with the energy readings that go off when I land the TARDIS that tipped them off, might be something more complicated than that. It's my fault, it was so thick of me to take you here. Won't happen again." He was so sincere in his words that I felt like crying. The tears would come, it was just a matter of time. I wanted so desperately to be strong.

I swallowed them for the time being, turning to face River and Amy. They were watching me expectantly, but I just smiled at them, shaking my head. "So you're Amy?" I looked at my grandmother with interest. She looked just like she did in the pictures, kind and welcoming.

"That's right. It's been a while," she said with a smile, although she kept her distance. I must have looked a little deranged because everyone was staring at me with that expression they wore before I exploded with emotions. I felt like exploding, that much was true, but I was determined to hold it together until I was alone. "You look good," Amy acknowledged, glancing at my prominent weight loss/gain, whichever perspective you looked at it from.

"Thanks. So do you," I countered.

She laughed and walked over to give me an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "I missed you, kid," she whispered, winking at me before turning to the Doctor. "And you, Doctor. You can't just let me know you're visiting at the last minute. I've been watching this place for weeks for Silence activity. They've been tracking my mobile. You should know better than not stopping at my house first, you stupid-head."

And so the threat became much greater than any of us had realized. I listened as Amy recounted everything that she had seen, assuring him that she was being safe about it, well, as safe as someone like her could be. I tried to pay attention, aware that this pertained pretty much directly to me, but I felt disconnected, like I was missing a big piece of this puzzle. It was something more than my memories- it was something not there that I should know by now… I couldn't quite pin it down.

When we picked up Frem from wherever he was, he was in a bad mood, and it only got worse when he was told what had happened. I watched him fume wordlessly, trying to think of who would be the best person to put the blame on for this, but he gave up, running his fingers through his hair and sighing tiredly.

It had been my most eventful day yet, and I wasn't sure whether to feel exhilarated or even more terrified of the looming threat all around me. After some more tense conversation, I wandered to my room, took an extra dose of the drugs, and slept myself into oblivion.

Thankfully, I did not dream. I just drifted.


	5. Remembrance

I had been having psych sessions with the Doctor for a few weeks now. They aren't as formal as they sound; I would sit in the control room and answer his questions as he flitted around, piloting and researching on the console screen at the same time, performing scans and such. I tried not to grow tired with it, I really did, but I felt so useless when there were streaks when I didn't know anything he was talking about. I could tell it was a difficult adjustment for him too, as he attempted to speak in a way that I would understand.

"Doctor," I asked him, "Is it a reasonable thing to hope for, me getting my memory back?" I hadn't asked him out front yet; I was too afraid. Every single day I begged my brain to remember and went to bed tired and frustrated with it all.

He paused, hand over a lever, considering. In one swift movement he came over to me and took my hands, kissing me on my forehead with kindness. "Everything is reasonable to hope for, Ariadne. You will remember. You have to want to." His eyes burned into mine as he tried to reach out, make sure I understood what he was saying.

I smiled sourly. "I want it so badly, Doctor. I try so hard it drives me mad."

"It's all there, somewhere. It might just be sitting there, waiting for you to find it." I tried to think about memories that way, captive in my head, tortured as I was, locked away and waiting to be rescued. It just made me feel more hopeless. "Alright, so there's something we- timelords- can do, sort of see other people's memories, emotions, all of that and I don't know if it would work but I can try to tap into your earliest memories and work backwards, see if I can find anything. It might be painful, bringing up those thoughts, but if you're up for it I can try to-"

"Ok," I said firmly. I knew this day was coming. River and Frem had spoken of the telepathic communication the Doctor could use to sift through memories like pages of a book. I knew it was a long shot and I had a sinking suspicion that the memories weren't actually there, but I wanted to know so badly it couldn't stop me.

He looked at me, for the first time, with recognition. I could sense it- this was something I would do. Anything necessary for an end. "I… I would tell you that if there's anything you don't want me to see, just picture a door in front of it, but…"

"I understand." He nodded once and moved closer to me, raising his eyebrows in question. I closed my eyes to brace myself, felt his fingers touch my temples, and let myself be taken back through time.

Pictures filled my head, moving too fast for me to comprehend what was in them. I saw flashes of people, recognized the walls of the stasis cell I had come to fear in my nightmares. The first solid image I saw was of a large man wearing an eye patch approaching me. I knew what came next, but the Doctor moved on before I could shake my head in protest.

And then I was back to day 1. I could feel everything, my fear, my struggles, the fight I still had in me. I was being dragged by two men, kicking and screaming at the top of my lungs. Their grips didn't even slip one centimeter, they just walked forward. I was taken into a cold and dark room, tied hastily to a chair, and left. I must have sat there for hours, tearing at the straps with futility, rubbing my skin raw yet not quite feeling the pain. I suppose one of The Silence may have come in at some point, but obviously I had no idea what was going to happen to me.

I watched myself start to cry, calling out for help. I didn't remember anyone that I could call for; my memories had gone by then. Revisiting this memory was like going through it all over again, and I could barely feel the TARDIS floor beneath my feet; it was like I was floating, watching the scene unfold.

_Eventually, someone came in. I was not particularly afraid of her yet. I hated her, yes. But fear had turned into anxiety as I had no idea where I was or what had happened. Everyone was wearing weird eye patches that I could not remember the meaning of, and the woman began questioning me, testing the waters._

"_When is the last time you traveled in the TARDIS, Ariadne?" She had sneered at me, leaning to place her hands on a small table, watching me struggle._

_That question had stuck out to me the most. I had no idea what a TARDIS was, so I just sat there, defiant in my silence._

"_My dear, things are going to be very difficult around here for you if you can't answer our questions, so I suggest you think very hard about what you say next," she said, sickeningly sweet, advancing around to my side of the table._

_My heart began pounding. If this was the information they wanted, even if I had no idea what it was, then I couldn't give it to them. If I said I didn't know, I was sure that they wouldn't believe me. Too worried about revealing anything, I decided to say nothing, staring up at her unwaveringly._

My stomach started to feel sick. I knew what would happen next, what would continue for 136 more days. I couldn't relive _this_ day though, the first one. It would take away all the progress I had been making, everything I had built here. I didn't want to watch the beating, the stripping, the confinement, and everything that came thereafter. The first day was the hardest to think about. I still had fire in me then, and that was the worst part to know; that I had fire, and it died. And I didn't want to watch.

"Doctor," I whispered, hoping he would hear, "I can't." A few tears escaped as I sat there, helpless.

He pulled away sharply, and the memory faded from view with a sigh. I closed my eyes, numbly searching for something blank to fill my mind. I felt a wave of shame as I cried like a child in front of my father, who had been simply trying to help me. "I'm sorry," I sniffed, opening my eyes to face him.

He watched me tenderly, with almost wonder. "No, Ari. It's my fault. All of it. I should never have…," he trailed off, running a hand through his hair. "There aren't words for how much I love you, I hope you know that. But I'm stupid sometimes, I lose sight of practicality. I leave you and Frem on a trip, because, why not? Why would anything bad ever happen to you?" He shook his head, scrunching up his face with frustration at the memory of it. "I just want you to know how much I want to resolve all of this for you. We've saved the world countless times, you and me. You were just seven one time, brave as ever, confronting the Shadow Proclamation about their ignorance to threats on Earth without even flinching. They were terrified of you." He laughed. "I taught you how to fly the TARDIS when you were just fourteen. You had so many plans before you disappeared, you and Frem. And you don't remember any of that and I want it back for you so you can live the life you wanted to live."

He smiled weakly and took my hands in his. "You've never regenerated. You have such a long life ahead of you. I want it to be what you wanted." The Doctor had never seemed so human to me, I thought as I leaned in, putting my forehead on his shoulder. I needed this, needed someone to tell me what I would have wanted. Because that was me, buried down somewhere. That strength, that bravery was slowly bubbling up, and I wished more than ever that it would drag my memories up with it.

"I want to try again. I know I'm not strong enough, but maybe, if I show you pieces I can take, I can do it," I told him. It was something I knew I needed to do. Facing that time is difficult, but it needs to be done, that much is clear.

"I don't want you to have to look at painful memories, Ariadne," he said hesitantly, finally understanding how hard this was going to be.

"I have to face them sometime, Doctor. I can't live in fear of them. It's not me."

He nodded once, and placed his fingers on my head again, pulling me in. It was different this time, though. I felt his mind nudge mine ahead, letting me lead the way. It was an odd feeling, this telepathic link. It was like dreaming, but someone was there with me, supporting me through. I passed over a lot of days, days I wasn't ready for. But there was one that was not so bad, that I think must have meant something, had some significance to what the Doctor was trying to find, since he pushed towards that one. I allowed him in, watching the scene play in front of me.

"_This game you're playing won't last forever, Ariadne. Whatever it is that you don't want to tell us, we'll get it eventually. And then we can finally get rid of you, you little parasite. All you do is sit there, waste our resources, take our food, space, chemicals. The masters will be so pleased with me when we get this sorted, my dear," the woman told me, tossing a hunk of bread through the hole of the stasis cell. I couldn't move fast enough to get to it and it landed in a small puddle of blood and water. I snatched it up and ate it quickly, with trembling hands. I had already been beaten today, and the woman's presence meant I probably was getting another one. She was the worst of them all._

_She clacked her heels, pacing about the outside room, rummaging through papers and technology. "You feel like talking today, sweetheart? I know my associate was already here today, but I felt like it was better if I came and visited, you know, woman to woman." She turned, leaned in to the window so I could see her face. "It's too bad there isn't another timelord out there we could mate with you. Such a waste. You could produce something truly useful," she scoffed, walking away again to sit in a chair across the room._

_It was days like these that I wished there was something I could say. I was so thoroughly broken that I didn't know myself anymore; only understood that I was here. Trapped. I wasn't strong enough to walk more than a few feet, as I had proved earlier that day, when a burly man had tried to get me to talk about timelords. Those __goddamned__ timelords. Every day, they talked about them. The word tasted wrong in my mouth now; I had endured so much pain while hearing that word screamed at me._

"_Ah Ariadne. Sometimes I just come here to talk. But what do I get? Silence. It's rather therapeutic sometimes, don't you think? I could spend all night here, just you and me. Would you like that?" She laughed, watching me with an amused look on her face._

"_Go to hell," I spat blood out of my mouth half-heartedly. This woman was someone who, no matter how hard I tried, would always win. She knew exactly what to say, what to do to get to me, beating me mentally and physically. _

"_Oh ho! Look at that. Defiance. Such a brave child, so much like those before you. Would you be so brave if you knew no one was coming for you? But how would you know that?" She laughed again, pulling her chair closer to the cell._

_No. With a last shred of emotion, I panicked. The only thing keeping me safe was the fact that they didn't know I actually couldn't answer their questions, that I had no idea what they talked about. If this woman found out, I would surely be useless to her._

"_That's right, darling. I know your little secret. You lost your memory, oh poor baby! That certainly won't keep you alive for very long, will it?" She watched me, looking for a flicker of fear, or a plea for mercy. But I was numb, unfeeling. If they killed me, wouldn't it just be another way to escape this… this shell of a life? "Hmm… don't worry, dear. We still need you. You're still special, isn't that a relief?" She opened the door of the cell, reaching in a hand to pat my head, which I couldn't raise up off the floor at the moment. "Just you wait. Once the technology is ready, we have loads of fun things in store for you. But," she paused, reaching into her pocket for an item I was sure would be the opposite of fun, "let's kill some time, shall we?"_

_All I heard was her harsh laughter as I shut my eyes, bracing myself._

I slammed a door shut so fast in front of the scene that the Doctor jumped back, breathing hard. I took a breath, shakily, flexing the muscles in my hands and feet, bringing me back to reality. I was sweating, and I felt like I was going to throw up, but I smiled triumphantly at the success of it all. I looked up to the Doctor, wanting to know if he had gotten anything useful out of it, but found him with confusion.

He was crying, honest to God crying. His hand covered his face, and it shook. And in that moment he looked older than I had ever seen him. It only took a moment for him to get it out, and he stood up straight, walking over to me and putting his arms around me, not too tightly. The constricting feeling sent me into a panic at first, but I calmed myself, telling my mind that it was the Doctor, my father. "I want to show you something," he whispered into my ear, leaning back and smiling at me.

I watched him flip around the controls, muttering to the TARDIS as he does. "I want to show you a planet, somewhere very beautiful. My friend Donna… she wanted to visit it before she lost her memory." He spun around, flipping two more switches and ringing a desk bell. "So did you."

I sat up in anticipation, leaning forward in my seat as I heard the now-familiar sound of the TARDIS landing. He looked at me, eyes which had been so lost before, now dancing with anticipation. "Come and look outside," he said, taking me gently by the hand and walking to the door. I paused, looking between the doors and the Doctor, wondering where we were and why it was important. "It's perfectly safe, I promise." And I believed him.

He pushed open the door and stepped with me out into the new world. "Fellspoon," he said, sweeping his arm in a dramatic gesture. I barely heard him.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The grass was the greenest green, the sky the deepest violet, white clouds swirling in unreal patterns across it. And in the distance, there were grey mountains, swaying with the slightest breeze, moving lazily back and forth like waves. They would crest and fall, only standing straight up for the slightest moment before leaning another way. I could have watched them for hours.

I smiled, letting my arms spread wide, the breeze fluttering around me. Without taking my eyes off the mountains, I whispered to the Doctor, "Thank you."


	6. Picture

_Day 4: I can feel everything. My exposed flesh being sealed together by the stasis cell, just enough to be easily ripped apart again. My empty stomach, churning with starvation. The dryness of my mouth, dehydration and a healing concussion giving me a headache._

_Today is the day they put in the weird IV, right into my stomach. I watch in mute horror and pain as the tube dug into me. I watch chemicals drip down it, and I assume they are meant to feed me. Yet the pounding in my head never subsides, and I still feel a sickening emptiness in my stomach._

_I stare around the cell, waiting for someone to come and collect me for the day's events. It is bare: dark and empty save for a scrap of paper or two in the back corner, buried under scraps of raw meat that I will probably eat eventually._

_As soon as I hear a few playful knocks at the door, I know today is going to be worse than yesterday. I can smell burning and turn around to find a large man carrying a red-hot metal stick. "Here's something that that cell can't heal," he laughs, "Something to show you who you belong to now."_

_I realize what he is going to do to me, but too late to scramble away. He lunges toward me as I try to crawl backwards, searing my skin as I scream at the top of my lungs._

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here. I've got you. Shh, Ari, you're safe," someone was murmuring to me, holding me, and it was all coming back to me. I screamed louder and shoved the person away fiercely, clawing and scratching until he was away, shifting to the far corner of the bed and breathing hard.

"Stay away, I'm warning you!" I hissed, peering through the darkness to see who it was. The figure didn't say anything, but I could hear it breathing. Wait. Wait. In a rush, I remembered. I'm on the TARDIS. I'm safe. It's Frem, he's come to see if I'm okay because he heard me screaming from next door. Oh. "Oh no, Frem. I'm so, so sorry," I got out, completely ashamed of myself.

He stood, moving over to me slowly, standing next to the bed and looking tentative. "No, it's my bad, I shouldn't have been touching you while you were asleep," he said, looking wounded in spite of the apology. "Sorry. You were screaming though, I wanted to help you." He met my eyes with caution. "I was worried." His eyes held the sincerest kindness, and I felt my body relax immediately as I gazed at him with remorse.

I smiled sadly. "Of course, yeah. Shouldn't flip out like that anymore." I took a few more deep breaths, reminding myself of the present, the feel of solidness beneath me. "Come here," I motioned to him, needing his touch now to pull me out. He looked hesitant, so I smiled encouragingly, "I'm okay, I swear. It's gone now. I'm back."

He leaned against the wall with me, one arm around my shoulder, the other resting against my knees, which were pulled up to my chest when I had shifted. I sighed into him, resting in his arms, enjoying his warmth. We sat like that for a while and every so often I would feel his lips brush against my hair or my temple, sending little electric shocks to my brain. After a while he spoke, murmuring it with tenderness: "Where were you?" The question was small to me, for I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time, trapped in between pain and remembrance.

"Day four," I whispered, not trusting my voice to come out normally above that level.

"Can you…," he paused, considering. "Do you want to talk about it?" He twisted his head to look at me, a careful question in his eyes, not unlike a small child stepping onto fresh ice.

I cleared my throat, unsure. If I was going to do it, it would mean thinking about it again, but I resolved myself. I could handle it. "A man came into the cell at the beginning of the day. He had a hot poker and… well, he branded me. The scar… well, I can't even tell what it is. But it's something that's gonna be with me forever." I lifted my shirt, exposing the place on my stomach where he had touched me. It was one of many scars, but it stuck out. It was whiter, puckered and raised up my skin more than the others did.

He listened to me and watched me, and in his own time, something resembling frustration flickered across his face. He met my eyes, searching them and then, finding what he wanted, slowly bent down to my stomach. I didn't even flinch as his lips pressed against the scar, gently lingering. He pulled back, brushing his fingertips against it as he pulled my shirt back down. He moved his hand to my face, leaning in to rest my forehead against his. His eyes were shut and squinted as he struggled to keep his voice steady. "I will never let them touch you again, Ariadne. Do you believe me?" I couldn't speak right away and he shuddered, pulling away to hold me again.

"I believe you. Always." I gave him a small smile and turned to look straight ahead at the wall across the room. Again, the first picture to catch my eye was the colorful Space Florida picture, and I could almost smell the sea breeze…

_There were birds flying in the sky, just like they would on Earth, and when I pointed it out mommy laughed at me. Daddy picked me up and put me on his shoulders and ran with me into the water as I screamed in delight. We stood out there for a long time and let the waves crash around us. Mommy made us get out after a while, putting more sunblock on me. She made me eat before I got back in the water, but by the time I ate the sandwich I wanted to build a sandcastle. Daddy and I made the biggest sandcastle ever on the beach, probably in the whole world. And when he and mommy asked me if I liked the ocean and the beach I told them it was the best day of my life. I fell asleep as daddy carried me back to the TARDIS, and he tucked me into bed after a long day of firsts._

It took a few moments for me to register what had happened, and when I realized it, I couldn't quite figure out how to react. It was like something had set off a reaction in my brain, and I suddenly remembered that entire day, my first time in the ocean on Space Florida. I remembered every detail, down to the way the grains of sand felt when they got stuck in my shoes at the end of the day. I remembered how the sandwiches tasted. I remembered the colors of everyone's swim suits.

I had no idea what to do with myself, I was so excited. I jumped up, running over to the photo, taking it off the wall and holding it up. "Frem!" I shouted, "I remember! I was looking at the picture, and I remembered the whole day! It just got in my head! I remember!" I jumped up and down, running back to him, hugging him tightly, almost knocking him back on the bed. "Yes! Frem," I slowed my breathing a little, trying to calm down, "Do you know what this means?"

He hugged me again, just as excited as I was now. "It's in there, Ari. All of it. It's the pictures, why didn't we try that before? Oh, you are brilliant!" He picked me up off the ground, swinging me around in a circle. I laughed, giddy with happiness. I wasn't crazy. I could do this, remember my past. There it was- a first step, real, tangible hope.

"What's all the shouting for, you- oh," the Doctor walked in, and upon seeing us hugging and jumping around in our pajamas, looked confused. "Should I come back later, then?"

I laughed, too happy to care. "Doctor. I remembered something." That got his attention. He straightened up, smiling in anticipation. "Space Florida." I turned around, grabbed the picture from Frem and handed it to the Doctor. "This entire day, I can remember it. I can smell the ocean, see those impossible birds, taste those salty sandwiches. Our sandcastle… it was the best, wasn't it? The best one we had ever made." My jaw almost hurt from smiling so much-I wasn't used to it.

His face softened at that, and for a moment it looked as if he would cry. "This is wonderful, Ariadne, really. And you're absolutely sure?" He was shaking, touching the picture in reminiscence.

"Absolutely. Just looking at the picture triggered it. It wasn't exactly a flashback, but all of the sudden a little memory was in my mind." I had never felt so pleased with myself.

"Well! This changes plans for the day entirely. Would you like to look at some photo albums all day or run some more stress therapy?" He asked, only half joking. He handed the picture back to me, and I rolled my eyes, walking to pin it back up on the wall.

"Let's get to work," I told him, looking from his face to Frem's face with determination. Today was going to be the day when I figured out a system for getting my memory back, I just knew it.

When River heard the news she couldn't stop smiling. She hugged me and told me how wonderful it was, laughing and hugging me many times. She dashed away in an instant, yelling something about her photo collection back towards us. The four of us set up at the kitchen table, boxes dragged out with more pictures than seemed possible. The Doctor flitted about, sorting.

"This box is all milestone things- first steps, first time you tried human school, first time you flew the TARDIS, engagement, et cetera. Second box is planets. Third one is with friends, people you've met all over the universe. There's plenty more but we can start with those, take it at your own pace, see if you think it's working." I saw his mind working faster than he could get out words, racing to calculate probabilities and outcomes. The numbers didn't matter to me. I knew that whatever happened was going to be entirely up to whether or not I really wanted this to happen.

Once, I had asked the Doctor what it would feel like to gain all my memory back at once. He got very quiet then, contemplating something unknown to me. "I've dealt with memory loss before, yes. But never have I watched that process reverse all at once. I don't expect it would be very pleasant." I had nodded once, trying to be mature about it but inside I wanted to scream. If this was something the Doctor had never seen before, well, I knew enough of him to know we should be growing desperate. He was so old and wise, had seen so much. It was a struggle to accept the unknown, but then again, I live with the unknown; it has become my closest friend.

When I sat down at the table to begin, I felt like a small child taking its first steps: tentative but curious. I tried to put on a calm and brave face for everyone, but it probably came out as a grimace because River reached out a hand to me. "It's going to be okay, Ariadne. Whatever happens, it won't change how much we all love and support you. Just take your time," she said, which surprisingly was exactly what I needed to hear.

I took a shaky breath and reached for the photo closest to me. I didn't even bother to look at the category, I just went for it. It was a picture of Amy and me, just standing together and smiling. She was wearing a pretty blue dress and boots, laughing as she draped an arm around me. I had on shorts and a pink shirt that I recognized from my wardrobe. I looked embarrassed, one arm around Amy's waist and the other on its way up to cover my face. I focused on the tiny details; the creases in my shirt, the scuff marks on the wall behind us, the unknown joke I was missing. After a minute I still had no idea what was happening in the picture so I set it aside, resolving myself to move on and try again.

I became intensely aware of the others watching me as if all of the sudden I was going to jump up and down again, yelling that I'd remembered something. I sighed, not having the heart to say anything right away but, after a few more pictures, it started to get just plain awkward. "You know," I started, trying to form a nice-sounding sentence out of the jumbled phrases in my head.

"Say no more, sweetie," River said kindly, reading my expression easily. "We'll let you be." I smiled at her with gratitude, affirming my appreciation of her as my mother.

I memorized every detail of every picture: the amount of stripes in River's dress in a picture of all of us at a parade, the drips on Frem's shirt from a melting ice cream cone bought at a fair of some sort, the expression on my young face as I rode on the back of a pitch-black horse. But none of them brought back anything. I was not disheartened; I knew this would happen. I could have hope, just not high expectations.

After two long hours, I decided I would bring the group back in to help me out. But just as I pushed myself up to go get them, I paused.

_Mommy is making something delicious-smelling in the kitchen; I can smell it from where I am waiting in the living room. I am trying to read an article about twenty-first century time travel theories, but they are all so wrong that it's hard to concentrate. When I am called into the kitchen, I run. But when I get there Mommy is smiling and hugging a man I have never seen before, except he came with Daddy's TARDIS. I think he has probably stolen it, but that doesn't make sense since Mommy looks very happy to see the man. She tells me that it is my father, the Doctor, that he has regenerated since we last saw him. She says he is the same man but just looks different. This makes me confused. He squats down to level his eyes with mine and says hello how are you Ariadne and I know from his voice that he really is Daddy. I give him a big hug and he picks me up and swings me around, and it feels like my stomach has jumped around. He tells me that he missed me very much and I say I missed him too, since it has been almost a half a year since me and Mommy travelled with him. I think he is taking us with him for good this time, because he told us he would next time, he promised._

My head hurt, and I called for River. I could feel the new memory in my mind, throbbing like another heartbeat. I barely understood it, which was a very disconcerting feeling. I knew what regeneration was, knew that even I was capable of it, but I had never seen the Doctor as anyone other than the silly wise old man that he was. However, something in me made me feel that that memory was something best shared with River first, since she was the one who told me just how dicey timelines could get with timelords who can live for hundreds of years.

She rushed in and, noticing me clutching my head, immediately knew I had a new memory come. "What did you see, love?" She sat next to me, rubbing my back as I massaged my temples.

"I was really young," I started, closing my eyes to focus on the fresh memory. "You were making dinner and the Doctor came with the TARDIS. But it wasn't the Doctor, it was him with a new body, he had regenerated." I opened my eyes, shaking my head to clear it. "What does it mean?"

River smiled dryly. "Of all the things you could remember, it really would be that one," she sighed. "Listen, I can't tell you right now, not with him in the next room because he's going to come in any minute and it will take me a while to explain. So, I'm sorry, but I'll have to explain later. You are not to tell the Doctor of this, understand? It's a big spoiler for him, I'm afraid."

I nodded, interpreting her tone as quite serious. I had crossed into timeline territory, something that River and the Doctor tread very cautiously through, the only subject in which they did not speak freely of. And in that moment, I knew that my past was a lot more complicated than I had expected.

**And the plot thickens... Thank you to everyone reviewing, favoriting, and alerting this little story; it means a lot to know my stuff is appreciated. I am having a lot of fun writing this, and seeing that it is actually getting read makes it even better. If you have any critiques/comments/suggestions feel free to leave them for me, and I will respond. I have quite a few more chapters planned for this, in total it will wind up at 15 or 16 chapters, so stay tuned! Big plot developments are on the way, as well as some fluffy-ness for all the Frem lovers out there. Thanks again!**

**xJessica**


	7. Normal

It had been a week since the last memory had come back, and I still had no idea what it meant. Every time I tried to pull River aside and ask her about it she would be vague and irritating, shushing me and walking away. I replayed the memory over and over in my mind, memorizing the other Doctor's face and expression when he saw me. There was something dangerous about the mystery of it, and I didn't dare to try and figure it out on my own.

He was a new man in my memory, that much was certain. But I saw his eyes, deep blue, carrying that same essence of wisdom, pain, and so much hopeful love, and I knew he had the same feelings for me as the Doctor I had come to know.

Days passed very slowly. The TARDIS seldom landed and everyone had a bit of cabin fever from being stuck inside all day. Of course, the TARDIS was almost infinitely large and there was always something to do, but staring at pictures all day was starting to get a bit old; Frem's face every night when I had nothing new to report was chipping away at my conscience.

I finally decided enough was enough- we were going to go outside. I walked confidently into the control room, prepared for an argument. "That's enough," I said, which caused the Doctor to twist around to face me with confusion. "Everyone is going mad, cooped up in this place all day. You included. We're going somewhere today, I don't care where it is, but we are going to have some fun." I saw his face, that 'I am your father and the Lord of Time' face, and spoke before he could go off on a rant: "Don't argue with me, Doctor. You know that you need this. Don't even try to tell me that you're not bored, stuck here, waiting for me to magically get my memory back."

He was very serious then, and his face was almost frightening. "I don't_ need _anything, Ariadne. Do you honestly think it's easy for me to just sit here when the Silence are out there, living and benefitting from what they did to you? Do you think I am growing tired of protecting you, of spending every spare minute trying to find the smallest scrap of information to help you? _You _are my number one priority. I am not going to lose you again because of some stupid mistake. If they catch you again, they will most certainly kill you, do you get that? You're a liability to them now; you know too much, you've been on the inside and now you've escaped. If I don't figure something out to stop this, they will be chasing you for as long as it takes and someday, in one instant, we'll slip up, miss something, and it will all be over. And I don't want to see River's face for the next hundred years when she has to face the fact that she lost her daughter because she couldn't protect her. Do you want Frem to have to live with that too?" His eyes were wild, and he approached me, placing his hands on either side of my face. Tears were forming in my eyes, and I angrily wiped them away. "I love you. So, so much. Sometimes I do brilliant, clever things, but sometimes I make a terrible mess of everything. We can get out of here soon, I'll give you that. But just give me a little time, let me try to get a lead on something."

His thumb rubbed my temple soothingly as I looked at him. "I'm an adult, Doctor. You can't keep me forever. Things are going to change."

He paused, considering me with sad eyes. "You've been different since that first day you got a memory back. I know you had another flashback you and River are keeping from me. But then again, you and River have hidden things from me your entire lives." He sighed, scratching his head and backing away from me. "I know you think you're an adult, Ariadne. But you're a child. You're so very young, so very alive. And that's not going to be taken away from you, I swear on my life."

Things had not gone the way I planned. This was meant to be a good day, I wasn't supposed to cry this time. "Doctor," I sighed, leaning against the railing, "What am I supposed to do? I've been looking at pictures for hours and hours and I think it's just making it worse. They look more and more unfamiliar as the day goes on." I tried to not let the fear creep into my voice, but there it was, betraying me.

He shook his head once. "It's not going to be easy, and I don't think you ever thought it would be. It may be a piece by piece process, or maybe you'll get all of it back tomorrow. I don't know. You just have to keep trying."

He was right, as always. I couldn't say anything more to him, so I walked away, arms folded across my chest to hold the tears inside my entire body. My vision was blurry as I moved on autopilot through the winding hallways, my mind numb.

And then I found myself at River's door and I knew it was time for me to get some answers.

She answered the door before I could knock and hesitated, looking at me with an undecipherable expression. "If I explain this to you, you're going to have to be extremely careful. You're entering back into a world in which you know nothing about, and there are serious consequences if this gets messed up. Understand?" When I nodded mutely she pulled me into the room, shutting the door quietly behind us.

I sat in a large blue desk chair, glancing around the room. It was a bit messy, mostly clothes and papers in stacks and haphazard piles on the floor and tacked to the wall. Her desk had several metal boxes on it with menacing-looking locks on them. The whole places was covered in sketches and pictures, maps and diagrams of ships, planets, people, and various other creatures I couldn't name. It was a traveler's room- strewn with things that weren't hers and were from all over the universe, I assumed.

"Now, Ariadne," she started, her voice soft but urgent, "The first thing you have to understand about the Doctor and I is that we _both_ travel in time. We have separate timelines; very rarely do we travel together for as long as we have been at this point." She smiled sadly, leaning back in her chair to stare at the ceiling which was covered in constellations. "I only gave birth to you a few years ago. I left you with Amy and Rory when the Doctor picked me up for our anniversary trip. Obviously, it turned into a bit longer than a week. He pulled me into the TARDIS in a panic, yelling and running about in a panic. You had just been taken. A boy I didn't know was sitting on the floor crying- Frem, as I came to find out- and I didn't know what to do. Just a minute ago you were a toddler, and then I meet your fiancé… it was something I wasn't prepared for, something I'm never prepared for after all these years of travel."

I stared at her, trying to figure it out in my head. She noticed my confusion and gave a small laugh. "Time travel's tricky, Ari. The first time I met the Doctor, he knew everything about me, and I expect the same thing happened to him. I've been so lucky to have a life with him. That's where you come in. I know a bit of the Doctor's future, he knows a bit of mine. But we can never tell each other about it; no spoilers allowed. That kind of foreknowledge, especially where people like us are involved, can cause some very bad and complicated things to happen. The version of the Doctor you saw in your memory is a future version of him. You and I were at my parents' house, as we live with them from time to time, and he dropped by for a visit." Her eyes smile at the memory while her lips pucker into a worried frown.

"But why is that such a dangerous memory? I mean, it was just a visit…," I trailed off, catching River's eye again, seeing the serious look in them.

"That was the first time you had seen the Doctor in that regeneration, but not the first time for me. In fact, I watched him regenerate from his current body to the one in your memory. It was a lot more complicated than just a visit. Something had just happened, I could tell it was something terrible, but he wouldn't say a word about it. It was obviously a key moment in time, something that is reaffirmed to me by the fact that your brain gave you that memory of him out of all the ones to choose from." She shook her head in cautious wonder, gauging my expression with a raised eyebrow.

"I understand, I think. So, a future version of the Doctor came and visited us before he regenerated and you know how that happens but he's not allowed to?" It was the simplest thing way that I could look at it, but even that made my head hurt.

"Basically. You have to understand that our days with the Doctor are numbered gifts. I am not sure what will happen to you as time goes on. I have never seen you this old in my travels, but I'm not sure how much the Doctor knows about your future, or how much you would know about his. It's like running on eggshells with him, always thinking about how much you can say based on the timeline." She let out another sigh, and for one moment I saw River Song's walls come down, the tired mother who had seen so much reflected on her face for a single second.

And then she was back. "You probably wish for a normal life, don't you?" It was an honest question from her, that much I saw in her eyes.

"I don't even know what normal is, River, but I don't think I could ever want it if you and the Doctor and Frem weren't there." And that was an honest answer. Even if I could put together a semblance of a normal life in my head, I doubt it would be as beautiful as this one was. I had a past with these people, and most likely a future. If they would take the effort to save my life after so many days, then they were truly my family.

She got up and hugged me tightly and for the first time, I didn't feel that slight squeeze in my chest, those kicks in my hearts that sent me into controlled panic. I just felt love. When we pulled apart she had let a few tears fall down her cheeks. After a moment she sniffed and stood up, pacing. "Now, go talk to Frem or something. He's having a mopey day," she said matter-of-factly, pushing me out the door and shutting it firmly behind me.

I blinked once, needing a moment to adjust from the change. That was the thing about River: one moment she was a flood of emotion, the next, all snark and business.

I found Frem in the library. He was bent over a black notebook, scratching something into it with a pencil. I approached him silently; he looked so peaceful and I wanted to watch him.

He noticed me before I could get a glimpse of what he was writing, snapping the book shut quickly and facing me with a huge smile. "Hey there, Ari! What's going on?" It was a little disconcerting, how happy he was compared to my interactions with River and the Doctor this morning.

"Um, just wanted to come see how you're doing, I suppose. I tried to convince the Doctor to take us out of the TARDIS but he wasn't having it. What were you writing there?" I asked, pointing at the black notebook he was clutching tightly.

He blushed, something I found hilarious and kind of adorable. "Oh, well, it's nothing. Just a notebook. Stuff in it. On pages. In pencil. I don't know," he stammered, gripping it even tighter.

I laughed at him, eager to know what was in it now that he was trying to keep it from me. "Come on, Frem. What kind of stuff?"

"Just stuff!" He was backing away from me, still blushing.

"Ooh, what is it, naughty poems? Come on, we're all adults here, I won't be embarrassed."

"I just-" He stopped himself, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, returning to normal. "I never showed it to you before. You didn't mind."

"Okay, but I don't remember that, so it doesn't count."

"It totally counts!"

"Nope. Show me," I demanded, holding my hand out for the book.

He sighed, defeated, and I smiled triumphantly. "Alright. But you can't laugh." He took my outstretched hand and led me to sit next to him on a red couch.

Not meeting my eyes, he placed the book in my lap and opened it to the middle. It was a pencil sketch, filled in with a bit of color by a practiced hand. It was of a beautiful woman, all cheekbones and flowing wavy hair. I was about to tell him how lovely it was when I realized why he was reluctant to show it: it was a sketch of me. Shakily, I reached out to gently trace the image, and it was in that way that I saw just how much Frem loved me. The image brought life to my face, showed a glowing, healthy, and vibrant young woman who had the world in front of her; the person I couldn't quite be yet.

I tore my eyes away from it to look at Frem, to find that he was looking at me, face inches from mine. In his eyes I could see myself, the image he had carefully drawn on the page, the person I once was. "Thank you," I whispered. This was what I needed, more than pictures, even more than memory: to know that I was still capable of returning to who I was.

He laughed softly, leaning away from me but putting an arm around my shoulder. "I thought you might say that." I laughed too, shutting the book to let the rest of the pictures belong to Frem's eyes. I leaned in to rest my head on his chest, curling into him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And in a way, it was. Because Frem was a constant, burning with humanity and never knowing what to say.

We lay there for a long while, not speaking or moving, and in that silence I found the peace I had been searching for all week. "You know what," he murmured casually, "I'll talk to the Doctor. We really should get out of here, go somewhere. It's been a long time since I've taken you on a proper date, if you're up for it?" It took me a moment to register that he was asking me, rather than just talking.

I twisted around, sitting up to give him a mocking grin. "Are you asking me out?" I teased, giving him a playful slap on his thigh.

He grinned, confident. "I don't think you have a choice, seeing as I'm the only eligible bachelor you know at the moment. Besides, it'll give you a chance to talk to me outside of this stuffy old time machine, like normal people."

I laughed. "I'm not sure that anything about this situation constitutes as normal, but alright. You can take me on a date if father dearest allows it. I doubt you can crack him though, he was pretty unyielding to me."

He shrugged, helping me up off the couch. "We'll see what happens, Ari."

And for the first time, I thought that if I never got my memory back that maybe, just maybe, I would be okay.


	8. Water

Eventually, the Doctor gave in. He was in a good mood for whatever reason, flitting cheerily around the kitchen to make breakfast. "Barcelona," he said excitedly, "the planet not the city. You've been there before, it's one of your favorites. Plenty to see there, we can go for a swim, have a picnic." He smiled at me, tapping his finger to my nose as he walked by. I held in a snide comment, knowing that I had won. Well, I was sure Frem had something to do with it too, but either way we were leaving the TARDIS, a miracle in itself.

I searched through my closet for something that fit me that I hadn't worn before. There were a lot of dresses in there, all of which were almost guaranteed to hang off me and make me look like even more of a skeleton. I tried on a purple one that looked promising, but groaned in dismay when I looked in the mirror; the dress just sagged in all the wrong places. Just about ready to lose it, I threw on a light yellow sundress that looked a bit smaller and glanced up to observe.

I didn't recognize the girl I saw in the mirror, something that happened a lot these days. The more I recovered, the more I changed, it seemed to be a daily thing. And some days, the bad ones, I would look worse than I did the day before. Those were the days when the nightmares kept coming; I referred to them as nightmares to appease my family, when in reality they were simply memories of the Silence. But today, when I looked in the mirror, I looked more different than I ever had before. And it didn't scare me. Allowing myself a smile, I dug through my drawers to find a modest one-piece- a plain black thing that looked like it had never been worn compared to the other skimpy bikinis in there.

Everyone was waiting for me at the door when I came into the control room, conversing amongst themselves, double and triple checking all their safety precautions. I walked confidently over, reveling in the new feeling of the dress. Frem's eyes met mine first, catching mine and then sweeping over me, taking in my appearance. He laughed, meeting me on my way to give me a warm hug, whispering in my ear, "You look beautiful." I waved him off, surprised but eager to get off the damn spaceship.

River and the Doctor conveniently ignored Frem and I's exchange, sharing a smirk. "Ready, then?" River asked briskly, hand on the door.

I nodded.

And we walked onto the planet, tentative. The first thing I could tell about Barcelona was that it was bright. Yellows, oranges, and reds danced in the air, swirling around us and filling the sky with a brilliant hue. Next I saw the river, the slow flowing current breaking up the water just enough so that I couldn't tell how deep it was. It drew me in, losing my eyes within its depths, murmuring to me with an unspeakable tongue.

"Ariadne," I heard the Doctor say, snapping me back to the surface. "Are you aware that you wore that dress the last time you came here?" His voice carried a hopeful urgency that it had whenever something like this happened, when I did something that I had done before, something I still couldn't remember doing.

"No," I said shortly, fingering the hemline of the dress, staring at the dirt beneath my feet. It was always no, every single time, and I had grown used to the attempt at a mask everyone put on their faces every time I said it.

We walked along the riverbank for a while, and I relished the glowing sunlight that warmed my skin in a way the TARDIS never could. The Doctor and River trailed behind Frem and I, River humoring him by letting him babble obscure facts about the planet. We didn't run into anybody, which I suspected was not by coincidence, judging by the Doctor's confident strut.

For that moment in time, I forgot about everything, and in a good way. I was just a girl on a trip, wearing a pretty dress and walking next to a cute boy who may or may not end up my husband. My parents loved me and were carelessly ordinary. A group of aliens didn't want me dead. I was here, I was present. And I looked very hard at the gorgeous landscape, not concerned that I couldn't remember ever being here before. The river didn't scare me. The sand creeping its way into my shoes felt like the most natural feeling in the world.

And then I felt Frem's fingers weave their way through mine and I panicked. I held in a surprised yell, managing to control myself enough to semi-gently pull away. Time seemed to pause as I frantically thought of something to say, anything that could make what I had done less hurtful. Lamely, I whispered, "I'm sorry," without meeting his eyes, focusing in on the space just above his head.

He didn't say anything for a minute, and I watched his jaw clench a few times, letting a few breaths escape. Finally he shook his head. "No, no, it's my fault. I know you're not ready for that, I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes and tilting his face upwards, squinting.

I sniffed, ashamed. I wished I could be better for him, but it was true. Physical contact with Frem had been pretty platonic thus far, and I had overreacted at the thought of it meaning something more. And now, try as I might, I couldn't settle down and get back the feeling of total serenity. Something in the back of my mind had pushed itself into consciousness; it pulsed and twitched, fired signals all over my body that told me I should be panicking. My hands were shaking. I tried to take a few deep breaths without anyone noticing, but even that sent tremors through my chest. I felt my knees grow weak and the sun suddenly felt very hot. "Um," I rasped, not sounding as terrible as I felt, "Let's stop here, shall we?" I motioned to the riverbank, where there was a flat stretch of sand near the slow water.

The shaking subsided as I sat down on the red blanket, though I still felt a bit weak. We lounged along the bank, eating and chatting, like we were a normal family on a leisurely picnic. Well, as normal as a girl can look with a father wearing a jacket and bow tie in that heat. I settled down again, ignoring the dark water nearby and focusing on the people around me who I could truly refer to as my family by now.

Family was a word with so much attached to it. There was a history there, a shared joy and suffering, life, love, and loss that I knew nothing of. Yes, I felt like I was part of it, but there was that thin glass wall there, reminding me that I knew nothing of our life together and the things we had shared. All I had were a few treasured glimpses in passing, inconsequential moments that were imprinted into my brain without context. New memories were forming, fresh and bright in my mind, that I did not have to hold on to so tightly since they became commonplace. These past months of freedom had brought me more than I had ever dreamed of in captivity; love and life were abundant, and at my very fingertips. I had trouble seeing myself as lucky in the beginning, thinking that after everything I had been through that nothing could ever make up for it. But now, I saw that there was so much more to life than the past. The present, the future were now my everything.

It kept me going, all of them. And I think they knew it too.

When I chanced a glance at the water, despite my wariness of it, I was curious. It was so much smaller than the ocean from my memory, seemingly harmless, less life contained in it.

Water was a method of torture I had come to fear more than all others. The choking feeling of drowning was hundreds of times worse than a beating or a branding. I could feel life leaving me as my chest burned, but then it was brought back with such a sudden force that I was crippled with the feeling of being torn in half, not wanting to be brought back. But I always came back. The black spots in my vision would disappear in one blink.

And the Doctor wanted us to go swimming, so we changed into our swim suits after a while. I felt self-conscious in my "new" suit, but the sun felt good on my skin again, and I held back, watching the others stretch their pale skin in the Barcelona glow. They were not nervous in the slightest for the impending swim, but then again they had no reason to be. Frem slid into the water with ease, pushing off the bank to float on his back, arms outstretched and eyes closed, looking perfectly blissful.

I sat at the water's edge for a bit, not touching it or anything, just looking at it. Frem paddled over to me, a wolfish grin on his face. "Come on in, Ari! You'll like it, the temperature is perfect. It's shallow enough to stand, you'll be fine." I envied his confidence then, the ease with which he handled the river.

"Just a minute," I said softly, and I think he saw my eyes and knew not to push it. But I didn't think I could bring myself to face this alone. A flashback was on its way, I could feel it, and it wasn't a good one. I didn't want to have an episode here, ruining the day for everyone and setting me back from all the progress I had made.

The Doctor came over next, pulling himself out of the water to sit next to me. He looked down at the water too, fingers dipping in and out, rippling the surface. "You know," he said quietly, carefully, "I bet that if you get in that river you will be perfectly fine. I know what you're thinking right now, what you're feeling. But I think you'll be fine."

Anger bubbled up to the surface, a product of fear and heat. "You know nothing of what I'm thinking. You know nothing of what water has done to me. I'm weak. I've tried to be strong, but it's absolutely terrifying." I barely got the words out. They felt wrong in my mouth, a failure in their own right.

I saw him nod once out of the corner of my eye. "Maybe. But you're kidding yourself if you think you can get better by staying in your comfort zone. Test the water, Ariadne. If you want this you've got to make it happen."

And he was right, because he always is.

I bit my lip, considering it. "When I was in captivity, they drowned me so many times I can't even count them. They would hold me under, or dump water on my face over and over, and just as I was about to go, they'd pull away. And I wanted to die. That feeling is never going to leave me. Knowing you, you've known how it feels to beg for death. But to do it five, ten times every day?" I shuddered numbly, not allowing myself to lapse focus because if I did, I would be long gone.

The Doctor didn't say anything for a long time. I watched him watch me, the years and trials of ages past written all over his face. He had suffered, died even. He and River were probably the only people in the entire universe who could empathize with me and I wasn't letting them in enough, not giving them a chance. "I can't tell you anything you'd understand right now, honestly," he said finally, reaching out his hand to put it over mine. "It may not feel like it now, but you are very, very special. And I'm not saying that because I'm your dad or a grown-up or a timelord."

I let a few tears fall onto the ground, wiping away the remnants quickly. "I don't want to feel like this anymore," I confessed, "But I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make it happen." It was so simple: get up, slide into the river, hop over to Frem and take his hand. That was all it would turn this day into a normal one. Matter over mind, so to speak, since these days my mind was an enemy rather than a trusted friend.

"You're choice, love," he said with a tilted smile, sliding back into the water. He submerged briefly before popping up with a satisfied sigh, paddling back over to where River was floating on her back. I caught Frem's eye and he was over in a few seconds.

"Ready?" His smile was infectious. How could I resist?

I nodded without a word, but took his hand in mine firmly, meeting his eyes with a look that meant something more than I could reason.

With him at my side I lowered myself down into the depths, not pausing until I felt my feet hit the sandy bottom. And I was fine, perfectly fine. No tightening grip around my lungs, no shaky hands, no headache- just… normal. Turning to Frem, who was watching me with intent curiosity, hand never leaving mine, I smiled wide. I hugged him, a real proper hug, and he responded enthusiastically, picking me up in his arms and spinning me.

"See?" He said, setting me down and shaking water out of his hair. "It's just water. It's not gonna hurt you anymore." And, as always, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Leaning back to face the sun, I closed my eyes, thinking only of the new memories I had made and the ones that would soon come.

"Let's make some new memories, Frem," I whispered, almost to myself. "I'm going to be okay."

**There we go, another happy ending! Sorry it's taken me longer than I planned to update this chapter, but keep an eye out for another one sooner than the last one. Feel free to leave a review if you have anything to say, thanks very much!**

**xJessica**


	9. Borrowed

The Doctor was distracted, and I was the only one who noticed. Yes, he was his usual self, hopping about and babbling, but I could see the faint haze around his head, allowing his mind to be elsewhere. He piloted the TARDIS in a daze, twisting and turning various controls as if on autopilot, and when someone asked him a question he sometimes wouldn't even hear it. He never really sleeps, that much I was familiar with, but I didn't think he had gone to bed in over a week.

I couldn't help but think it had something to do with me, with the Silence. That was the only thing that would set him off around me. He was unusually distant during our sessions, letting me do all of the talking and nodding aimlessly throughout it. I still hadn't regained any more memories and it was wearing on him more than anyone else.

I had a disconcerting nightmare of him one night. He was alone, sitting in a white room and crying, looking more terrible and disheveled than I had ever seen him. I was merely an observer; there was nothing I could do to reach out to him or speak.

When I awoke in a cold sweat, I knew I wouldn't be sleeping for the remainder of the night. And, since he was obviously awake, I took the chance to talk to the Doctor, finally.

I walked slowly into the control room, expecting to see him talking to the machinery or working underneath the glass floor. But he wasn't there. I immediately thought something was wrong, and was on my way to River's room when I heard a glass clink in the kitchen. Taking a breath to calm myself down, I walked towards the dark room with tentative steps.

He was sitting at the table, head in his hands, with all the lights off. I couldn't see his face, but his fingers rubbed at his eyes and forehead slowly, like a man trying to massage out a headache. I was about to say something, but he spoke first. "Come in here, Ari. It's time we talked." Not mentioning we had been talking for days, more than usual, I turned on a light and sat down in the chair next to him.

I waited for him to speak, watching his face intently. When he removed his hands, he looked so very weary and weathered- a man who had seen too much to bear it. "It's maddening, you know. Not knowing what the Silence needed you for. Guessing. I thought it was to turn you into a weapon against me, the way they did to River, only learning from their mistakes and doing it differently. If River was the prototype you were to be the finished product." He shook his head, staring around at anything but me, pain etched in the lines of his face. I stared numbly, trying not to think about it in that way. "But now… well, I think it goes deeper than that. I've been trying to think for days about it, about the differences between you and River. You're both human plus timelord, you share that much. And then it hit me yesterday, why you are so special, how they could have used you as a weapon to do much more than kill me."

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to be told I was being manipulated, harnessed, used in any way. If I was a threat to this family, to anyone, then what was I supposed to do? Lock myself up again? The Doctor would certainly never allow it, but I could see very few options.

The Doctor paused, drawing out a long sigh. "For the most part, Ari, River and I raised you here, in the TARDIS. Your room changed as you grew, from nursery to bedroom and more. Yes, circumstance separated River from the TARDIS occasionally and you lived with her on Earth. But for almost all of your life, you grew and developed with exposure to the time vortex. That artron energy that comes from exposure and time travel is harmless, the radiation has no effects."

"So… what does that mean for the Silence?" I hadn't worked it out yet, but I had a sinking feeling that artron energy had something to do with it.

"Well, at first it doesn't make sense, since River would have picked it up too as a baby, in small amounts. But she grew up on Earth, not traveling through the time vortex as you did. It's hard-wired into your system, part of your cells. If the Silence somehow could harness that energy… well, that's the thing. I have no idea what they're planning. And then there's the situation with your memory. Yes, it could be something psychological, something from all the head trauma and shock, but it may be something more sinister than that." He rubbed his eyes again, and I could see the struggle in his face, the amount of control it took him to get all of it out so calmly.

"Are you saying I'm gonna be stuck without a memory forever? What happened to 'there's always hope' and all that stuff you say every day?" I folded my arms, leaning against the table to look him right in the eyes.

He snapped back to reality, leaning forward too. "Absolutely not," he said harshly. "You're going to get your memories back, that I can promise you. There's just the question of how. And I think the Silence know that answer."

"Can't we just go find them, try to reason with them?"

The Doctor laughed bitterly. "Hard to reason with someone who can disintegrate you and won't even let you remember what you were trying to reason for. And they don't exactly have a postal address. Or a front door, for that matter."

"So?" I challenged him.

He laughed again. "That's my Ariadne. Yes, well, obviously I'll come up with something. But the last time I tried to 'reason' with the Silence, things didn't end well for either of us."

I couldn't think of anything more to say to that. I was obviously within my depth if he wanted to talk about the Silence, so I tried to think back, remember something I heard, something I saw that would indicate what kind of a weapon was being made.

The most prominent person in my captive memories was the woman who they called Kovarian. She was the most malicious, took the most pleasure in my pain. "Doctor," I started, gritting my teeth to prevent a flashback to one particularly nasty day with her. "The woman. Kovarian. She always talked about some technology, something they were working on that, once it was finished, then they could… get rid of me. I used to think it was just something she said to tear me down, keep me scared so I knew my life could be gone any day. But… I don't know. Maybe it was real. Maybe they were making something using my energy."

He nodded. "Yes, I've thought about that too. I would have loved to take a look in that stasis chamber they had you in, but there wasn't time. It's possible that they used it to harness the radiation you released as you… healed… at the end of each day." He cleared his throat, pushing himself up abruptly from the table. "Tea?" He rummaged through the cupboards, getting out mugs.

Frem had walked into the kitchen sleepily, and I figured that the conversation was meant to be kept private. "Sure," I muttered, relaxing back into the chair. "Morning," I nodded to Frem, who was squinting in the sharp kitchen light.

He yawned. "Morning, Ari. Did you get any sleep?"

"A little," I admitted, running a hand through my hair, aware of how strung out I must have looked.

And then River entered the kitchen too, in a flurry of curly hair and bathrobe. "My mother has been phoning for days, Doctor, why haven't you answered her?" She had a hand on her hip, another resting against the door frame, glaring at the Doctor who was busily making the tea.

"Um," he rummaged around, searching for a spoon, "I've been busy, dear, sorry!"

River scoffed, shaking her head. "Impossible. Well, I spoke with her and she wants a visit. Apparently it's been six months since the shopping mall incident, thanks to you losing track of time. I swear, you would think a bloody timelord could remember to visit his in-laws in reasonable intervals, but no! You're extremely busy saving the world all the time, right, my bad." She sat down, rolling her eyes.

With a grimace on his face, the Doctor turned to an irritated River. "Sorry, won't happen again. We'll visit as soon as we all get a bit of breakfast and put on our nice faces, yeah?" He bent over her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning."

River sighed, unable to hold in a smile. "Good morning."

We were ready to go after a few hours of eating and the usual morning routine. I lingered in my bedroom, examining the picture of my grandparents hanging on the wall. It felt wrong, not remembering them. Something tickled in the back of my mind, more of a feeling than a memory, but I could feel my affection for them. Amy and Rory looked like lovely, kind people that I had known my whole life. Sighing, I cursed the Silence for the millionth time for making me hurt the people I loved.

When we arrived, we landed inside their house rather than on the street, which was probably the smart thing to do. Amy and Rory were right outside the door, welcoming us in with smiles and hugs. I met Rory in person for the first time, and he was perfectly charming and understanding of me. The atmosphere was so different from the one inside the TARDIS; there was no tension, no looming danger threatening to crack us all. I listened to the couple talk about their normal lives, in a normal house, in a normal neighborhood. They had gotten yelled at by their neighbor for parking on his property, when really he just liked to watch a girl across the street walk to work every day and it blocked his view. Amy had almost finished writing a novel, Rory had gotten a promotion. I was fascinated by their lives. They lived so consistently, so well, that they were happy. It was a glimpse into a life I may have had with River at some point, but I knew that Earth did not suit people like us, even if I wished it to be so.

We spent most of the day with them, had sandwiches for lunch, never leaving the house. Occasionally the Doctor would get up and look outside, and Amy would tease him for being paranoid. No one else did, for we knew that paranoia was completely rational at this point. This was almost a test- if the Silence could find us here, they could find us anywhere.

Somehow, Amy and I ended up alone in the kitchen, washing up. There was a bit of an awkward silence until she tentatively spoke. "So, Ari," she began, "How's Frem doing with all this?"

The question kind of knocked the wind out of me. My parents never asked me about Frem, never talked about him with me, skirting around the topic of our 'engagement' and everything that came along with it. "Um," I said, not really knowing what to say, "Not sure? I don't know. I'm sure it's hard, because, well, we were supposed to get married and stuff," I finished lamely, setting down a plate I was finished drying.

She laughed a little. "Well, obviously. Has anything happened between you though? I mean, do you want to be with him again?" She seemed perfectly at ease, nonchalantly washing silverware.

I laughed nervously. "I don't know… It's weird. He's been really patient with me, for the most part. He gets frustrated sometimes, I can tell." I thought about it seriously, trying to ease into the 'girl talk' she wanted to have with me. "I think… I think I do want to be with him. It's just, well, I don't know him. I don't know what we've done together, how far we've gone. And I can't just ask him, 'hey, how many kids did I want to have' because the look on his face is really depressing and he'll have to walk away fuming. I don't really know what I'm meant to be doing or how to get started." I set down the last dish, wiping my hands on my pants and turning to face Amy, who was watching me intently.

"I've forgotten my husband twice," she said, staring at something very far away in her mind. "Nothing so traumatic, and nothing quite so long term. But I found him again, thanks partially to the Doctor, but mostly because he was still there, in my head. And Frem's still in your head too. Just wait. The reunion will be so much better than anything else." She laughed, shaking off the memory of her youth with the Doctor. I had heard a few stories of her adventures, enough to know how brave she was, how much she had done to save people. "In the meantime, just tell him what you want. Because if I know that boy, he will wait for you. He'll be what you need him to be."

She hugged me tightly, smoothing down my hair as she pulled away. I smiled at her in silent thanks, knowing that I had found someone to talk about Frem with. "I have something for you," she whispered. "Upstairs."

I followed her upstairs, not a clue as to what she had for me. She dug into a closet, pulling out a long bag on a hanger. She carefully hung it on the doorframe, unzipping it with care.

It was a beautiful white dress, elegant and simple, with gauze flower accents spread over the whole thing. It had a beautiful train, and a veil hung around it, a perfect match. "It's my wedding dress," she said, running her hands over it, reminiscing. "I know you don't want to marry Frem now or anything, but I was going to give it to you the next time I saw you. You were so excited to wear it, couldn't wait to see what it looked like when I promised it to you. I want you to take it. I know your wedding day isn't something you're thinking about at this point, but when the time comes, I want it to be the happiest day of your life. Because my wedding day was the happiest of mine."

I was speechless- I didn't know what to feel. The dress meant so much more than a wedding outfit. It was hope: hope that I would remember, hope that I could love Frem the way I once had, that I could work things out so that everyone was blissfully happy. It represented everything good about Amy's life, and the uncertainty of mine. I knew, in that moment, that I would wear that dress. Maybe in a matter of weeks, maybe not for a long time. But eventually, I knew it would happen.

Nobody questioned us when Amy and I carried the dress into the TARDIS, that much I was glad for. They did stare; the Doctor looked like he was going to pass out and River looked like she could cry, and Frem just watched numbly. When we returned, we sat on the sofa and chatted, listening to them politely ignore it. They all knew what it was, what it meant. But it didn't matter to me. They could think what they wanted, as long as I could hold onto this shred of hope in a future I wasn't quite sure I wanted just yet.

**And the Ponds return! I really loved Amy's wedding dress from The Big Bang, so of course I had to work it into my little story. It seemed like something she would do, since her daughter never got to wear it, she could pass it on to her granddaughter, and it could mean as much to Ari as it did to her. **

**The next chapter is a lot of Frem/Ari fluff, so brace yourselves for that. And then I'll have an adventure chapter to make up for it, so that works out. The Silence are getting more and more menacing as we pass the halfway mark of this fic, so be on the look-out for their big plan…**

**Thanks for reading/reviewing/etc.**

**xJessica**


	10. Threshold

I discovered new things every day. I saw things I had never seen before, done the most impossible things. The Doctor filled my days with learning, immersing himself in method, believing that the more I saw, the closer I would be to remembering. Every so often I would get a tickle in the back of my mind, on the threshold of a memory, but it would slip away. It was as if I had opened the door but couldn't quite step inside, couldn't see what was beyond the thick frame. I tried not to let it get to me, and I was growing used to failure.

Sometimes I overheard River and the Doctor talking, but I wasn't sure I was supposed to even understand what they were saying. From what I could gather, River had never stayed in the TARDIS for this long. She had "other obligations" to attend to on various planets, which I had a sinking suspicion they involved a younger version of me. Time travel was complicated, but I knew that I had not spent my entire life on this ship, and the time off it I lived with River. They would speak in angry whispers, arguing over big, complicated things about their time streams.

Frem was the constant, not in the sense that he was always the same, but in the way that he was always unpredictable. He could surprise me in ways that nothing else in the universe could. He could make me absolutely furious sometimes, with his whining and moping, but sometimes he knew just what to say to keep me grounded and sane in this mad box.

We had stopped in Cardiff for a fuel stop, something which normally took a short time, but my parents decided they needed a night out. Grinning mischievously, they were out the door faster than I could register, yelling back to call them and to stay inside for a few hours. I stared at the closed door, shaking my head. It was unlike them just to leave us, or at least I thought it was.

And then I realized it was the first time I had ever really been alone with Frem.

And then I realized that it shouldn't make me nervous, but it did.

When I found Frem in the kitchen, he was cooking. It was a familiar smell, something I couldn't quite place, but I had smelled it before. I could taste the spicy fish in my memories as it sizzled on the stove. Realizing I had been staring at him for a while, I cleared my throat. "So Frem," I started casually, leaning against the door frame, "We're all on our own for a bit. The timelords are out for dinner."

He spun around quickly, a bewildered and heated look on his face. "When…," he started, the trailed off, shaking his head and wringing his hands. Something faded in his eyes, probably expectation. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to say something as I watched him have some internal debate. "Sorry. Ok. Long story." I waited again, knowing he would tell it because that's what Frem does. He tells. "Yeah, well, it's just that you used to always say that when they left us alone in here. Those exact words, every time. And sometimes we would stay, but you knew how to fly the TARDIS so we could leave if we wanted to." He stopped himself there, that haze I had come to recognize beginning in his eyes.

I sat down and watched him work, distractedly chopping and mixing, sending comforting aromas into the air. The spices… "Frem." A memory pushed itself with brute force to the front of my mind. "I can cook that."

He looked up again, the same fiercely hopeful expression on his face. "You… You remember this? What do you remember?" Cautiously, he walked over to me and sat down across the table. "Ari," he breathed, searching my eyes pleadingly.

I didn't, I couldn't say anything; I was too afraid the feeling would leave me. I stood confidently and moved towards the crackling meal on the stove. I was out of my own body, watching my own hands deftly move, combining and mixing, creating something; it would certainly be a catalyst to another flashback. My mind was working overtime, moving from one instruction to the next before I had time to register what it was. I wasn't sure how long I worked, but when I snapped out of it there was a plate of food in my hand, and another in front of Frem on the table.

He was looking at me like I was a crazy person, which was to be expected, I suppose. "Um," I breathed. "I remember how to do that, kind of. I knew how to make it subconsciously." When he didn't say anything I sat down. He was absolutely still, a mask of numbness, something I had never seen on him before.

I shifted closer to him, locking my eyes with him. "What were we going to do Frem?" It was a quiet, honest question. It was time, time for me to know what I was truly missing out on, what Frem had to live with every day.

He snapped out of the silence abruptly, smiling forlornly. "We have a little house picked out near the city. Two floors, two baths, three bedrooms, the most marvelous garden. You wanted a garden." He laughed, his mind swimming in some private joke. "You wanted three kids and a dog; you were ready to settle down. Of course we would travel often in the TARDIS. You wouldn't give that up, you even wanted to try growing your own." It seemed that the conversation was partially with himself rather than with me. I could almost see him grasping at the ideal reality of it, perfect and simple, yet frustratingly out of reach.

"Did you want all that?" I asked solemnly, not ignoring the fact that he had listed what _I_ wanted. I tried to read his face, but I wasn't sure I liked what I found there.

He sighed in exasperation, as if he had this conversation hundreds of times. "Of course I wanted it. Still do, if that's even possible. I just wanted- want, I mean, to be with you." His voice triggered something in me, a longing I hadn't felt around him before.

I felt like crying, but I pushed it away, for it would be useless. Something positive was going to come out of this, I was determined. By the end of the night, I would remember something about Frem. It would happen. "I'm going to want that again, Frem. I promise." It was a tentative promise, something that was more of a wish than a goal. "But in the meantime, what's the significance of the fish? Why that memory?"

He laughed softly. "It's something of a tradition with us. I made it for you on the day I moved in here. You liked it so much you demanded I teach it to you. And, of course, since you're Ari, you make it even better than I do." He took a bite in affirmation, closing his eyes at the taste of the memories.

And I found the day, a door in my mind. I could see it, just waiting for me to open it and regain what I had lost. I was missing something though; I needed one more thing to push me closer to the door. "What else happened that day?" I kept my eyes closed, focusing with everything I had.

He must have heard the urgency in the question because he stumbled over his response, testing for a reaction. "You helped me carry in my stuff, we, um, messed around a bit, uh, I don't know… we listened to the entire Queen Greatest Hits album five and a half times…," his hand touched mine, trying to get a gauge on what was clicking in my mind, willing me to flashback.

It was the music… I heard a humming in my ear, a faint but tangible sound.

It was me. I was the one who was humming the familiar melody…

"_Where do you want this?" I called to him blindly, stumbling through the TARDIS corridors towards his new room. I had a huge box of clothes in my arms; Frem had insisted on keeping his own clothes, not wanting a new wardrobe courtesy of the TARDIS._

_I rounded the corner sharply. "Who needs this much clothing anyway," I muttered, trying to at least see where my feet were going._

"_Whoa there," Frem laughed as I ran promptly into his chest with the box. He took it from me with a smirk. _

"_Ugh, there you are! I thought I was doing all the work here, running all your junk back and forth," I teased, following him into his room and falling onto the huge king bed with a sigh. The bed was a new and __very__ thoughtful addition I had surprised him with last night._

"_That's everything," he said, rubbing his hands together with satisfaction. "I'm in. No turning back now. Now, scoot." He plopped down on the bed next to me, letting out a long breath. I watched him as he put his hands behind his head and crossed his ankles, looking so at home in the new and unfamiliar room. "Why do you think your parents agreed to this?" It was a fair question; it wasn't like them to take on a human companion. The only other humans that we had traveled with were my grandparents for as long as I could remember, even before I was born._

"_Because you are so-," I leaned over to kiss his cheek, "good-," I rolled on top of him, kissing his chin, "looking." I pressed my lips against his, delighting in the feel of them. It never quite got old, kissing Frem. He deepened it, and I sighed into him, feeling the heat exchange burn my skin. I pushed my fingers through his hair, down his face, over the planes of his defined chest…_

"_You left the door open," he whispered huskily in my ear, sending shivers down my neck. He winked at me as I rolled my eyes at him._

"_I love you Frem, I do. But really, just shut up. We don't __need__ to close the door," I spoke quickly, not concerned about anything except Frem's hands tracing circled on my bare hips._

"_Oh, but don't you?" The voice came from the door, frightening me. It was Dad, covering his eyes but smirking at us in pompous glory. "And you wonder why I gave him a separate room, Ari."_

"_Bloody hell, Dad," I groaned, rolling off Frem reluctantly. "I'm not a child. Give me some space."_

"_Yes, but you are a child. Don't forget that." He pointed at me, then Frem, then left us, off to fly us to some lovely distracting planet, I was almost certain._

_I turned back to Frem, laughing quietly. "Welcome home."_

Then the door shut, and my eyes opened to the cold reality in front of me. My life with Frem was real; I really did have a past with him, and I should have a future with him too.

He was waiting for me, for an answer that he already knew. His tenaciously hopeful face was gone, replaced with a display of certainty: certainty in me, in my memory, in the future. I couldn't form words at first, couldn't feasibly summarize what I had seen. Before I could even attempt to speak though, he beat me to it. "You remembered me. I know. I can see it in your face. The day I moved in… well, it would be that day, wouldn't it. The day we started our life together."

"Yeah, and with my dad," I got out, a raspy laugh escaping.

Frem laughed loudly, looking more alive than I had ever seen him. "Your father is an amazing man. I mean, not only did he agree with my decision to propose to you, but he also put up with me for 136 days when we were all insanely messed up."

I had shifted closer to him unconsciously. "It was real, wasn't it? I mean, I always believed you. But seeing something like that… it's almost too good to be true, us being that happy."

His fingers reached up to brush against my face, and moved slowly to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. "Just because you don't remember it doesn't mean it wasn't real. You're proof of it. It was more real to me than anything else I've seen in this strange universe."

I knew where this was heading, and it didn't scare me in the least bit. To kiss Frem now would be the most natural thing in the world. And when our lips did meet, I felt the same passion from the memory burst between us. There was no stopping us. As we kissed, the world around us dissolved to dust, and we were just a normal boy and girl, no depressing backstory or mental trauma. Just us.

The momentum never stopped. Somehow I wound up in his lap, legs almost wrapped around him entirely. But nothing in my head told me to stop; I let him deepen the kiss, immersing myself in the familiarity of it, gaining a sense of what my past had truly been like.

Too soon, he pulled away. "It's not fair," he said with a sad smiled. Confused, I reluctantly disentangled myself from him, bringing myself back to the present. "We can't… just go back to being… this, not after what's happened."

Irritated, I contested, "But I remember, that's the point. I saw what we were. I need to get back to that, to get back to you. I know you now."

"You really don't, though," he said quietly. "That was me, in that memory. But I'm different now. You're different now. We can't change what's happened. You can't just pick up where you left off, it's more than that." He saw the look on my face and continued, "I want you, I do. But you only think you want me because your memory tells you to."

"That is absolutely not true. You want to talk about not knowing things, well, you don't know how my mind works. That one memory doesn't change how I feel about you. You're still the most kind, brave, and annoying person I've ever met. And my subconscious is screaming at me about you. I know that being with you now, in this frame of mind is the best thing for me to feel like I did in the past. And you're lying if you tell me you don't recognize me as I am now." I was not going to sit idly by and watch "noble" Frem sacrifice his happiness because it wasn't "fair." It was perfectly fair, at worst, and extremely helpful at best.

He stared at me, seeing into my mind for a moment. "You're right. You're always right about those things." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what we are, then."

I laughed, reaching up to pull his face back to mine. "Neither do I," I whispered, "but I think it's going to work."

**And, finally, a start to mending things in Ariadne and Frem's relationship. This chapter took a lot longer for me to write than normal, as I struggled a bit with translating what I felt should happen into a realistic chapter. I still am not 100% satisfied with this, but I think that the more I edit it, the less real it will be.**

**Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave a review for me, as they really make my day better!**

**xJessica**


	11. Moon

The phone was ringing, and I could hear it from my bedroom. It was an odd feeling, as I felt obligated to answer it, though I had no memory of the phone ever ringing. I stayed in bed, listening to see if someone would answer. It never stopped, so I dragged myself out of bed, wrapping a blanket around me.

The control room was empty, but it didn't send me into a panic. The Doctor would be somewhere around, probably in the library or the laboratory. I saw the phone embedded in the controls, shaking ever so slightly as it rang. There didn't seem to be an answering machine; it had been ringing for a few minutes now. I glanced around, giving River or the Doctor one last chance to show up, but there was no one else.

Hesitantly, I picked up the phone. "Um, hello?" I said quietly, not sure if it was even possible to phone a time machine in space.

"Excuse me, miss. I'm calling for the Doctor. It's quite urgent," said a gruff male voice. There were noises in the background of people talking and drinks clinking that his tone of voice didn't quite make sense.

"He, well, I'm not sure where he is, but he's somewhere around here," I tried, pacing around the machine and trying to make some noise that he would notice and come in here.

There was a pause on the line, and I heard the man gulp, probably taking a drink of something. "And who are you?" There was something skeptical in his tone, as if the man had dealt with things far more troublesome than this.

"His daughter," I said, confidant now.

"Ah, I see. He spoke often of you. You'll do just fine. Can you get here in the next five minutes? There's a bit of a situation at the capitol, here, and we can't trust anyone else to handle it," his voice changed to professional in a second.

I immediately recognized that I was out of my element with this one. I stared at control panel, the unfamiliar buttons and levers looking far too intimidating for me to have known how to operate them. The time rotor pumped innocently up and down, and I stared at it, pleading to whatever lived in the machine to help me out.

Everything happened very quickly. One moment I was idly staring at the rotor, the next I sprung awake, pulse racing. "We'll be right there," I chirped into the phone, slamming it down and dashing to the other side of the console. I pulled one, two, three levers, spun a dial, rung a desk bell, and typed a string of coordinates into a typewriter panel. The TARDIS buzzed and whirred, doing exactly what I wanted it to do, sighing as if it had been waiting for this moment as long as I had been. I was flying through time and space, just like the others had said I could, and it was all real.

And then the Doctor was yelling and running into the room, looking more scared and angry than I had ever seen him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? One wrong switch and you blow the whole thing up, Ariadne!" He fumed, sprinting around the machine, checking the controls. "Explain. NOW." He looked dangerous, scary even. I had not known him to be an angry man, and I didn't know what to do. When I didn't respond immediately, he let out a frustrated breath, pushing his hands to his face furiously. "Just tell me what's going on, why you did this. You know I can't have you trying to fly her yet, it's not safe."

"Doctor," I rasped, my mouth dry. "I could fly it. I knew how. I'm taking us somewhere. There was a phone call, a man said he needed your help, and then he said that I would be able to do it to. You weren't around and something came over me and I knew what to do and I… I piloted her." I said this all quietly, arms wrapped around myself so that I didn't burst with emotion. "It's gone now. The memory didn't take. But I did it."

He didn't seem to know what to say either. He walked around the console again, slower this time, hovering his hands over the controls and muttering to himself. "Yes, yes, well you seem to have done it, yes," he was saying, scratching his head. He avoided looking at me, trying to focus on the science behind it. "I'm-," he stood up straight and walked over to me, putting his arms around me, "I'm so sorry for yelling like that, stuff like that isn't good for anyone." He pulled back and gave me a bitter smile. "I am glad you could recall how to fly the TARDIS. It was something you enjoyed very much."

Wistfully, I tried to rewind and see how I had known how to operate it, but I couldn't. "It was the adrenaline," I said, thinking out loud. "When I answered the phone, and how urgent it seemed… It was like stepping back in to the adventure after a long time away, which I suppose is accurate given everything that's happened."

The Doctor nodded, pacing now. "You didn't catch his name? There are only a few people who have that number, and I'd prefer to visit someone I've already met this time around."

"No, but he said you spoke often of me, if that helps." I watched him walk around, glancing at the screen as it flickered complicated Gallifreyan words while we flew.

He smiled warmly as he watched the screen. "Ah, yes. You're taking us to America's capitol. 1972. We're visiting my old friend Richard Nixon." There was a gleam in his eye as the TARDIS landed, an air of adventure about him that was a rare sight. "Now," he started, "My wife and our dear Frem are asleep right now. We might have to save the world again, just you and me. Is that something you can do?"

"Are you serious?" I asked, confused he would even have to ask me. "Of course." I smiled with him, and he nodded decisively, leading me out of the room and into the carpeted and pristine glory that was the oval office.

The man who I assumed to be Nixon was sitting at his desk, waiting for us. He stood up as soon as he saw us. "Doctor, Miss Ariadne, thank you for coming, albeit a bit late." He shook my hand firmly and leaned back to sit down again.

"Late?" I mused, "You only gave me five minutes!"

"And it has been five hours, Miss," he countered, raising an eyebrow at me.

"My apologies, Mr. President, she's new at it," said the Doctor, giving me a wink. I rolled my eyes at him and sat down in the blue wooden chair across from the beautiful wooden desk. "What's the problem?"

Nixon sighed. He was an aged man, the lines and curves on his face displaying knowledge and experience that far exceeded his years. He was a man in over his head, whether he knew it or not, especially if he was going to my father and I for help. "It's the Apollo program, Doctor. Our men have just returned home from the Apollo 17 mission, and we have at least three more trips planned, but what I've heard makes me uneasy. Yes, there's the budget excuse, but if we really want to go we can find the money somewhere. It's more than that. The astronauts brought something back, and no one in Houston knew what to make of it, assumed it was alien, and tried to get in touch with another organization." The Doctor made a small noise of recognition, but remained silent, eyebrows creased as his mind churned. "Of course, in times such as these, it's hard to trust non-government groups- damn kids always have a hidden agenda. So they came to me, knowing that I have… contact, should the matter arise. And well, I'll let you be the judge of what they found up there."

I held my breath as the president reached into a drawer. This was going to be alien stuff, I could feel it. Real aliens that I could remember. The thought of it made my heart beat so loud I was sure the Doctor could hear it next to me because he glanced over at me concernedly. I met his eyes confidently, trying to show that I could handle whatever was going to happen. He gave me a wink and turned back to the president, leaning forward eagerly.

"Our brave astronauts found this on the surface of the moon, partially buried in the ground, a few feet away from their landing site. I think you'll be able to see why we are considering the suspension of manned lunar trips." Nixon had a small sphere in his hand, no bigger than a tennis ball and pitch black.

As soon as the Doctor saw it he jumped up and snatched it away. A wild look in his eyes, he whipped out his sonic screwdriver and scanned it, letting out a relieved sigh. "Okay," he said in a controlled voice, putting the screwdriver back in his jacket and setting the sphere on the carpeted floor. He laid down, the strange object at eye level, and watched it for a while, eyes darting all around. Abruptly, he stood up, clapping his hands together the way he does when he is about to babble. "It seems that you, Mr. President, are very lucky to be alive right now. Your men are lucky even to have survived the trip back from the moon. What you have here is a Manta egg, basically, giant space manta rays that feed on anything that crosses their paths. And, well, you're lucky because this one is not due to hatch for, oh, another ten minutes when it will explode its shell and devour one of its brothers, which are most likely all about to hatch on the moon… Okay." He spun once in a circle, still looking at the egg at his feet.

"Doctor, I hardly understand. Are you saying that there are extraterrestrials… on our moon? That hardly seems possible. We've been there many times in the past few years and have never seen them."

"That's because they've been buried. And they are very far from home right now, say, four billion miles away? Yes. So, Ariadne and I have to run and figure out a way to stop them from flying to Earth. Because they will. And we've got…" He glanced at his watch. "Nine minutes. Okay. See you later then," he got out, and before Nixon could say anything more he grabbed my hand and yanked me back into the TARDIS, egg in hand.

I nearly fell to the floor as the TARDIS rattled, the Doctor furiously controlling her to get to the moon. My mind hadn't caught up to my body, and all at once the danger and adrenaline hit me. It was like a cold splash of water, and I felt alive and awake and ready. "Doctor," I called to him over the sound of the TARDIS breaks. "What are we going to do?"

"Ha! Well! The Manta travel in packs, very large packs. They have to; they're from a solar system of pack creatures, a huge gathering of star swimmers. So if we can lead one, we can lead the rest. If we're lucky and they all hatch at the same time, the energy trail from the TARDIS should draw their attention away from Earth and we can leave a trail for them to get to their home. And we're here!" He pulled me out the door without a hesitation.

The first thing that popped into my head was this: _I'm on the moon_. And then I thought: _I can breathe._ Not even bothering to ask why, as I supposed it was some complicated TARDIS thing, I stepped away from the box, looking around in wonder. The moon I had seen from my window and in book looked completely different. It was the same moon, but nearly every inch was covered with the black spheres, so much so that it looked like a black planet. "Doctor," I said nervously, "If the Manta are so far from home, why are there so many here?"

He paced around, careful not to hit the eggs. "Six minutes," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Absolutely amazing, the way they've turned the moon into a hatching ground. They must have been migrating through and stopped here a few hundred years ago to lay the eggs. They've been here for three hundred and fifty years, and they're finally hatching." And I saw it wasn't terror or worry in his face, but excitement, wonder even. And I felt it to. These creatures, whatever they were, had an extraordinary life far away from here. Yes, they were man-eating killing machines, but I digress. "Beautiful," he mused, setting down the egg from Nixon's desk. "These are perfect hatching conditions. And they're coming."

Indeed, the spheres seemed to be shaking, the entire planet filled with rippling black waves. "Doctor," I warned, trying to break out of the adrenaline trance, "Let's not forget the fate of the planet kind of rests on this."

He laughed at me, a familiar yet unusual sound at the time. "Of course. This is the fun part," he said, motioning for me to follow him back into the TARDIS. It seemed routine to him, the fast paced danger paired with a wonderful discovery. I knew that in the past every day had been like this; Frem had told me story after story of our adventures, trips to distant, impossible planets. But seeing it up close was another thing entirely- it was real.

We had two minutes until hatch time, and I knew we had to get started so the Manta could all pick up on the energy trail quick enough. I watched the Doctor, all smiles and chatter, walk a loop around the console, then stop. He looked at me, phrasing something in his head. "Ari," he started, "I think… well, yes. You're going to fly the TARDIS out of here."

"Um," I got out, searching his face for a hint of a joke. "I don't actually remember how, you know that right? I was possessed by something, I don't know." I stammered, trying to find justice beneath the disappointing feeling that I couldn't live up to what I had been before.

"You've got one minute. Go." He leaned back against the railing, and I knew there was no arguing with him.

I hoped that when I stood there until the last second he would jump up and do it. Even so, I approached the console, looking down again on the foreign controls. I closed my eyes and, in a moment of desperation, tried to speak to whatever was inside the TARDIS. _Please, _I said, _Just let me remember. Give me five minutes of memory. Just enough to prove to them that I'm still the girl I was before._

And then I blinked rapidly, opening my eyes to a control panel that was sharpened into clarity, a home in the midst of the chaos. Somewhere, the Doctor was telling me about time, but time was on my side this round. One, two, three switches. Coordinates. Two buttons. One more switch. And engine accelerators, emissions to maximum.

I ran to the doors, flinging them open to watch the Manta fly. Sure enough, they broke their shells at once, majestic wings unfurling, teeth bared. The first ones stretched out devoured their shells and exactly one other Manta nearby, struggling to get free. It was a twisted image: the beautiful creatures reduced their numbers to half in seconds, yet the Manta remaining flew into space, turning towards me, sensing the energy seeping into the dark vacuum.

They flocked together, peaceful now, silently gliding through the air behind us. I watched them for a long time before the Doctor joined me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "It was her, wasn't it?" I knew exactly who he was talking about, so I nodded silently, my eyes not leaving the Manta. "Typical. Gives you whatever you want but always puts up a big fuss when I ask her for something." He laughed sentimentally, and I could feel his eyes on me. "What's wrong?"

"It's not real. I still don't remember." It was the inevitable truth. I was not the same person, no matter how hard I tried, and I feared I would never be.

"That doesn't matter." He turned to face me, eyes searching mine. "You saved the world today, Ariadne."

I couldn't help but smile.

"And," he continued, stepping back to the console to finish the trail, "I'm making progress every day regarding the Silence. And I think there may be something we have to do quite soon that can make things right. Are you up for something like that?"

I considered this. If it meant facing the places and people that haunted me, I wasn't sure if that was possible. But then again, I was stronger than I thought; the people I had on my side knew that better than I did. So it was settled. I was either going to have an empty memory bank for the rest of my life, or I was going to become that action-hero person that I needed to be.

"I'm ready."


	12. Cracked

After we returned to Earth to warn President Nixon to stay away from the moon for a few years, things went pretty much back to normal. River and Frem had been asleep the entire time, which the Doctor suspected was the work of the TARDIS trying to help me out. Nevertheless, they were both extremely proud of me, hugging and congratulating me for saving the world… again, apparently.

The next day the Doctor wanted to continue our psych sessions, which was understandable as we hadn't met for a week or so and I was feeling it. I didn't like to admit it, but the sessions did make me feel better, as the Doctor searched my mind for anything useful. I had gotten used to the way it hurt for him to pick my brain, sift through the painful memories; he was usually the one who pulled away, overcome by the images. Seeing them again had given me a protective shell, a numbness covering me so I could objectively watch the memories unfold.

That day, he began with day 125, a particular day that involved a lot of interrogation. The interrogations had become less frequent as the days went on, as Kovarian and the others found less and less reason to.

"_There are creatures living among us that you can't remember, my dear, hours and hours of time that have been erased from your memory, much like the life you used to have," she tells me, leaning over my body as I curled further into myself, shielding my bleeding wound from her. "So there's no hope for you."_

"_Why?" I ask her that question every day. I do not know why I deserve this, why I am here, why I am alone. "Why do you still need me, then?"_

_She laughs at me then leans down, delivering a swift stinging slap across my face. "Because you are special, my dear." She hits me again, and I feel the slice in my lip open again, sending a gush of warm blood into my mouth. "When we are ready and you finish being special, then we'll kill you. But for now…" She laughs again. "Stand up!" She barks abruptly. I struggle, trying to comply as quickly as I can to avoid further pain, but the gash in my stomach protests, and I let out a whimper, falling back to the ground. "Now," she growls, grabbing my hair and yanking me up._

_I grit my teeth, trying to hold in a scream. A hundred days ago I may have had the strength to spit in her face, but today I know it's not worth it. "How… am… I special? Just… tell me. I won't… tell. Who would… I … tell?" I am breathing heavily, and it is all I can do to form words, but it is my last attempt to reason with her, to understand what happens here._

_She pulls my face close to hers and meets my eyes with that terrible one-eyed gaze I am so used to. "You're going to help us rule the world, timelord. You and the ones coming for you. Just you wait and see. I want it to be a big surprise."_

_And then she raises her hand and draws it back, a smile on her face. I feel her hand hit the side of my head with unbelievable force, and allow myself to fall to the ground, beaten again._

I felt the Doctor's shaking hands slide away from my temples as I regained my breath and calmness. He had his face in his hands, as so many of our sessions ended this way, but something was different. I faintly heard him mumbling to himself as he shook his head. "Right," he said, leaning back in his chair. "I think I need some time. There's something we are going to do… I just need to think of it." He looked like he was far away from this little room in the huge spaceship, somewhere where he could plan terrible things.

"Doctor," I said after a minute or two of silence. "Is everything alright?"

He jolted out of his trance with a confused sigh. "I would ask the same to you. You've been different, in a good way."

I considered that. That was the goal all along, but I hadn't expected a question about it. "I feel… like I belong now. I can feel emotions, more than I thought I was capable of. Frem and I have something, something new but familiar… and I don't know. The adventure, everything I've seen… it feels real, natural even. Everything is perfect. I just don't know why." I wrapped my arms around my torso to combat the constriction I was feeling.

"Ari…," he breathed, looking as if the weight of time rested on his head. "There are things that happen that no one understands. Sometimes they are good things, sometimes they are bad things. When good things happen, it's a miracle; it is a day people never forget. But it is the bad things that make us question, ask the universe 'why?' and we don't get an answer." He took my hand and squeezed it, tethering me to the ground so I didn't fall apart. "I am going to find you an answer. And then I'm going to make you a miracle."

I closed my eyes and breathed, focusing on the optimism radiating from my father. All this time I had been so angry with myself for being weak and relying on other's help, but it was about time I accepted the family I had. I felt him kiss my forehead once, pat my cheek and lean away from me. It took me another moment to open my eyes again, and when I did I saw my father, truly the greatest man I had ever known. "Thank you," I whispered, knowing that it was all I needed to say.

He nodded. "Let's wrap this session up, shall we?" He took out his sonic screwdriver and scanned me from head to toe, the familiar green light casting over me. "Looks good, as always," he said cheerfully. "How are the dreams?"

"Better, I guess. I think… well, Frem sleeps with me some nights and it helps a lot. It doesn't always stop the bad ones from coming, but he's there when I wake up so I'll be okay." Noticing the surprise on his face when I said Frem's name, I winced. "Is that okay?" I asked half-heartedly, as it really was something I was entitled to do if I wanted to.

"Uh, yes, yes. It's fine. I'm glad he's helping you. I just don't want you to get hurt," he said, choosing his words carefully, a strange expression on his face.

"Frem would never hurt me," I said automatically, but believably. It was true; I trusted him and I knew that he would wait until I was ready to do anything new.

"Not in that way, Ari. It's just… you didn't see him when you were gone. He was deeply hurt by your memory loss, did a good job of hiding it, too. But just keep in mind that he might struggle to come to terms with virtually starting over again with you." Again, he spoke with caution and precision. Although I knew he meant no wrong in his words, I was hurt by his lack of faith in me and Frem.

"Frem knows… he knows how I feel, what I want, what I need. He understands me. I need you to trust us; everything will be fine." It wasn't until I spoke the words that I began to doubt them.

"Alright, alright. Just promise me you'll talk to your mother about it, at least. She'll understand." He was growing preoccupied with his thoughts again, and I sensed that it was time for me to leave him.

"Okay. We'll see," I whispered. I stood, smoothed down my clothes, and left the room without another word. Whatever thinking the Doctor needed to be doing, I was sure it required some time alone with his strange mind.

I let myself walk to Frem's room on autopilot, not even bothering to knock before I swung open the door. He didn't look up immediately, as he was absorbed in his sketchbook, carefully smoothing down charcoal lines into the page, an image forming of his mind's eye.

When he did look up, he smiled and snapped the book shut and rose to his feet. He crossed the room in two strides and kissed me once, twice on my parted lips. "Hello there," he murmured, leading me by the hand to sit next to him on his couch. "What's going on?"

It was a loaded question in the way that there were so many answers. "I just wanted to… to thank you. For being here. For doing nearly everything right." He was looking at me in that way that made me want to jump him one moment and hit him over the head the next.

"Ari, I was your fiancé. I wasn't about to jump ship when things got rough. It hasn't been easy, but I made a promise to you, and I am a man of my word." He laughed softly, shifting on the couch to lean back comfortably, careful not to overrule my space; he could sense that I wouldn't be taking a lot of touching today.

"Did I have a ring?" I asked suddenly as the idea came to mind.

He grimaced. "Yeah," he admitted, sighing heavily. "But when we rescued you it was gone."

"Oh," I said, thinking that I probably could have worked that out on my own. "Frem, can I ask you about something?"

He nodded once. Something shifted in the air as soon as I spoke, but I ignored it.

"When I was gone, those 136 days, what did you all do here? How long did it take you to find me?" It was a selfish question, but one I had been thinking about constantly.

"Wow," he said, grimacing, "That's not a fun question. Um, well, it was a bit longer than 136 days for us. I'm not sure exactly, it must have been about a year. It felt that long, anyway. I don't think your dad slept a single night. He had all these places to check, see if they had taken you there, but it took us forever to get a clue. We picked up your mum right away, but she was younger than I had seen her before; she didn't know me." He paused. "I was completely useless. I'm not smart like you; I don't get all the timelord stuff and I needed more rest and sleep than they did and… most of the time I just sat in my room. I would come outside only if we had a significant lead that it was somewhere you would be. Yeah, I was the one that found you. But I wasn't the hero. Your parents were."

I wanted to tell him it was alright, but I didn't because it really wasn't.

"We might have to do something dangerous very soon, Frem," I said instead.

He didn't speak. He didn't even look at me.

"It's the Silence. The Doctor says-"

"Oh yes, the Doctor says, of course. More danger, more crap we have to go through until we can feel safe again. I'm so sick of living like this! I just want-," he broke, covering his face with his hands. "I just want things to go back to normal. I don't want to fall in love with you again. Yeah, we're doing well as we are. But you're not Ariadne. You just look like her." His knuckles were white as he clawed at his scalp, as if trying to rid his mind of the memories I had left him with.

It felt like the world was spinning. Of course this would happen today. Of course the day the Doctor expresses concerns about him would be the day Frem would crack. Somewhere in my subconscious I knew this was going to happen but didn't want to believe it. I had overestimated Frem, but I had good reason to. He had been so great these past months, always being there when I needed him to be. There were those small warnings I had ignored; when I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would always be awake, staring at pictures on the wall. I had chosen to ignore the pained expression he wore when he thought I wasn't looking.

Even so, I flinched at his words. They felt so wrong, so different from what every instinct in my body was telling me. "You don't-," I tried to speak, but my voice was shaky as I held in tears. "You don't mean that. What's wrong?" There had to be a reason behind his crack, something to explain away the terrible feeling in my heart. I looked around the room for something, anything to indicate that he was not himself.

He shook his head. "Don't you see? There's nothing wrong with me. This is who I am. I get something great and then fuck it all up and lose it. Again." He let out a rough bark of a laugh, a wild gleam in his eyes. "You don't remember me, Ari. You don't remember all the crap I've done, the things that have happened between us. So I can't pretend that I'm perfect anymore."

My head hurt and it was all I could think about. Something was squeezing me, forcing me to stay sitting though all I wanted to do was walk away. The careful puzzle of a relationship we had been building was splintering, the pieces coming apart. From this moment on I knew things would never be the same. I had been naïve enough to hope that we could live like this until I got my memory back, but I should have known better. At some point, fissures and cracks would seep into the bubble of happiness that was around us. Even in the midst of danger I had believed I could have it all.

"Frem…," I started, not actually sure what to say that could make this better. "Maybe I'm not the Ari you love, but I'm all that's left of her. I… just please don't do this now, don't spoil this… please." My voice cracked on the last word. "We were just getting started," I whispered, extending a hand to touch his hands, which were still clenched into his hair.

"No we weren't." He didn't look up, or couldn't, I wasn't sure which.

"Please look at me," I asked him.

"I think I need to be alone."

"You've been alone all day."

"I think you should leave."

"Frem, please. Let's talk about this. Where did this come from?"

"I think you should leave."

"If you really feel like that, why would you initiate everything?"

"Ari, leave me alone."

"Please, please don't shut me out now, I need you, please. You've made me so much better and-"

"GET OUT!" He snapped his head up, finally relinquishing from his curled up position, a look of pure hatred on his face. He was breathing hard and staring right into my eyes, and I did not recognize the person in front of me at that moment.

A wave of pain crashed over me, and whatever was squeezing me held me so tightly I thought I was going to burst. My vision blurred from either the pain or tears, I wasn't sure. The paralysis snapped and I jumped off the couch, my heartbeat the only thing I could hear. There was nothing more I could say. I couldn't grasp the situation, couldn't replay it in my mind, couldn't understand how things had gotten so bad so quickly.

The air felt toxic as I stumbled out of the room, painfully dazed. I refused to hate him, but anger flew through my veins, overshadowing the sadness. Damn Frem for breaking. Damn him for loving me. Damn him for making me feel loved and for giving me some fucking hope that something good could come out of all this.

Before I could collapse into tears I felt arms wrap around me, leading me into a room, sitting me down on a bed. I knew it was River, for who else could sense pain like she could? I let everything out, for once not holding anything back. I screamed, half frustrated, half devastated. She held me close, saying nothing and just being, which was all I needed. She didn't ask what he said, and probably didn't need to.

Once I was finished, my throat sufficiently hoarse and my cheeks dry, I sat up and took a long, deep breath. River was watching me worriedly. I noticed the Doctor had come, and was sitting hunched over in a chair, fingertips pressed together in front of his face, wearing his threatening 'last of the timelords' face. "Would you like him to go, Ariadne? We can make him leave, if you would like. We don't expect you to live with someone who makes you… like this."

The question came from River, and took me by surprise. As angry as I was, the thought had never crossed my mind. Because I knew that Frem needed me, that without me, things would only get worse. And I knew that I still needed him, too, that no matter what I would still need to remember him and make things right. So I shook my head. "It was too much too soon. Both our faults, really."

My parents were silent, still watching me. Then the Doctor spoke, his voice low, "I have a sort-of plan for the Silence. It's not going to be easy, and will probably be painful and dangerous. But when we succeed, you can get your memory back. Is this what you want? Because I can't force your memory back into your head; you have to want it."

I thought of Frem, how he had spoken of a darker, imperfect past, things I didn't know or wouldn't want to. I thought of all the times I had supposedly been in danger, even the times I could remember, and it truly terrified me. But then I thought of the flashbacks I had, the smiles my family had when they thought of the past, the pictures where I was smiling but didn't know why. "How soon can we leave?" I attempted a smile, but it didn't feel right.

River nodded and hugged me tightly, and I realized that the feeling that I was about to explode was gone and I just felt peaceful.

The Doctor smiled and clapped his hands together once, standing up. "We'll pick up Amy and Rory. They wouldn't miss this for the world. I'll lay everything out and we can be ready by the morning." He nodded decisively. "Alright. River, fly us to the Ponds'. I have to have a short conversation with dear Frem."

"Sweetie, be nice," River warned, feeling my shoulders tense in her arms.

"Of course."

There was a fight coming, I could feel it, a mental one at least. Whatever I had to face tomorrow, I knew it would be worth it to get my memory back; I could fix everything wrong with my life, fill all the holes, and heal the ones in Frem.

I just hoped it was that simple.

**Please review and let me know how I'm doing! Happy Summer!**


	13. Return

No one on the TARDIS slept that night. As soon as Amy and Rory joined us, there was a lot of catching up to do and explanations needed. The Doctor was missing for a few hours, but River didn't seem worried so I tried not to be anxious about it.

Rory was almost ferociously calm. He had this odd way of listening; he cared so much for what the speaker had to say that his focused expression made one speak confidently. In his timeline he had just seen us a few days previously, so I did not hesitate to tell him everything I knew about what we were going to do, which wasn't much.

When the Doctor finally found us, we were laughing at Amy's tale of an awkward parent meeting at school, drinking tea in the living room. He seemed surprised at our demeanors as we carelessly conversed, but smiled anyway, taking a seat next to me. Frem followed quietly; he didn't make eye contact but sat softly on the other side of me. I felt an overwhelming urge to touch him right then and make amends, sort things out, but the Doctor started talking and I knew it would have to wait.

"Alright everyone, I just want you to know that this 'plan' is more of an entrance strategy because I mostly make this stuff up as I go along. But I'm getting older and like to hash things out before I run headfirst into them. So, first step is to get to where we're going. We're headed to the same base where we found Ariadne, called MG-42. Now, there's a fair chance they've moved by now, but it's the best shot we've got to find where they've gone. Once we find the Silence, our main priority is talking with them. We need to know what they were using Ariadne for, what the plan is so we can stop it. I think we can get her memory back too, I just need a good look at their technology and we'll go from there." He paused, contemplating. "I do not intend to kill these people. But they must be stopped. They have hurt my family too many times, and I have lost too much to let it happen again."

I couldn't see what was so terribly dangerous about it. I had expected a siege, with guns or something. Or at least an infiltration. But this… negotiation would perhaps be more effective if it meant we wouldn't be blind to their plans. Then I reasoned that this was the Silence we were dealing with, the people who knew just what to say to get into my head, who brought me 136 days of absolute destruction. They could hurt us easily, kill us on a whim. That made my stomach churn.

"Doctor we don't have eye drives. It's too risky to go in there if we're fighting the actual creatures." Rory spoke in a calm voice, reminding us all of the flaw in this jumbled plan. We had no idea what the creatures even looked like, if we were unlucky enough to come across them.

"Ah, glad you asked that Rory. I got a hold of an eye drive when we rescued Ari, and I've been developing it for our uses. It's too dangerous to use something made by the Silence themselves, but I examined the technology, figured out how to do it. I'll spare you the details, but basically, I made temporally-locked optical retainers." He reached into his jacket, ignoring our confused expressions, and pulled out a small rectangular case. He opened it and placed two small, clear disks in each of our hands.

Amy laughed, examining the disks. "Timey-wimey contacts?"

The Doctor sighed. "Yes, I suppose. Anyway, just put them in and you'll be able to remember the creatures. I hope. It's not an exact science and I haven't had a chance to test them but at the least they'll alert you if you've looked away from one. And keep them safe, it took a long time to make them." He quickly slid them onto his eyes, blinking a few times

The contacts felt funny in my eyes, and they tinted the room a bit darker. As I looked around it made my vision sharpen and focus on individual objects and people, so I noticed one thing at a time. It was an odd sensation, but I figured it would be useful if they really did work.

There was nothing else to do but go. I didn't feel ready to confront those people, nevermind having to face the place that haunted my nights and ruined my days. I knew this day would change everything; no matter what happened here something would be different when we returned. I had a feeling that when I returned to the TARDIS, I would be a completely different person, returned memory or not.

Everyone started to leave, headed for the console room. I lingered, looking at the pictures of me that I hadn't noticed before. There were many of me as a toddler in various places, probably all over the universe. I saw one of River, looking happier than I had ever seen her, holding a newborn baby in a hospital bed, the familiar walls of the TARDIS's hospital room surrounding her. There was one adjacent to it of the Doctor, not looking at the camera but at the baby, his mouth open and smiling as the tiny hand reached for his face. They made me feel sad, but I wasn't sure why, because they were the happiest pictures I had ever seen.

I made my way to the door, resolved that I would have to confront my captors eventually, but then I noticed Frem, still sitting, staring at me. I opened my mouth, ready to fix things, but closed it, actually unsure of what to say.

"Hey," he said softly, eyes finally meeting mine. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head numbly; this is not what I wanted him to do. Apologies were redundant since he was just being honest and it didn't make up for what his feelings were

"I know it doesn't make anything better, but I feel crap about it." He shook his head, rubbing his neck like he could erase his words from last night.

I took a breath. "Let's just be okay for today, Frem. Whatever this is, we can figure it out. But just for today, let's be okay." It was what I needed, something I didn't have to worry about when we got into the base.

He nodded, standing up. "Okay," he whispered, taking my hand in his. He gave me a tense smile and we walked to the console room; I squeezed his hand, holding in the fear that was working its way into my heart.

The TARDIS groaned as she flew, landing cleanly at our destination. The Doctor met my eyes and saw something in them that made him move towards me. "Ari," he said, so soft only I could hear, "This is going to be hard, I understand that, and if you feel like you are about to go into an episode I need you to tell me. But this is it; this is the culmination of your ordeal, the closure at the end of this terrible adventure. So I need you to be strong for me, for everyone." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, and I wrapped my arms around him impulsively, holding onto him with everything I had. I owed most of my progress to the Doctor and if there was one thing he had taught me it is this: Strength and love conquer all evil.

Rory was the first one out the door, followed by everyone except River. She met my eyes and gave me a look of support, pressing something hard and cold into my hands. I looked down and saw a small silver gun, my name inscribed on the handle. "It's been yours for a few years. Keep it with you." When she saw the fearful look I must have had on my face she smiled, assuring me, "Just in case."

I nodded once and tucked it into my jacket as I left my home behind me.

I could not remember what the base looked like from the outside, so I was surprised to see how small it was. It was a dreary grey building, small and innocent-looking. Yet I could imagine being dragged into it, screaming and crying out in desperation. It looked deserted; no light peeped through its windows and there were no guards or Silents to be seen. We stared at it for a few moments, then I slowly began to walk towards it, desperate to get this over with.

Frem stayed at my side as we stared at the point of no return. It wasn't locked, which troubled the Doctor, but I pushed the door open anyway, my heart pounding.

The corridor was dark, the overhead lights not responding to their switches. We walked slowly and silently, the Doctor in the lead, checking every room for signs of life. It was like walking into one of my nightmares as I envisioned Kovarian and the others walking comfortably through the halls, the knowledge of what they were doing written all over their faces.

We came to the end of the hall, and I knew what was coming next. The room on the left was my room, the only walls I had really seen in my time in this godforsaken place. I drifted through the threshold, in a daze of memory. It was exactly as I remembered it, bloodstains and all. I tried not to hear the others' gasps as they took in the scene; the Silence had not bothered to clean up the mess they had made of me, the mess I had left behind. The chairs that they used to sit in were still there, all facing the hatched door covering the stasis cell. It was no longer active; the pale blue glow that surrounded the door had been extinguished. Machines that I never bothered to learn their purposes lined the walls, taking up most of the space inside the small room. And of course, in the far left corner where most of the torture was performed, there were still spatters of blood from the stains that had just been too stubborn to scrub out.

My stomach clenched as I focused on the hatch, my hatch, and I thought I might be sick. I bent over, wrapped my arms around myself, and begged my stomach not to give in. River was by my side in a second, holding my hair away from my face, but nothing came out. Strangely triumphant, I shook my head and stood up straight. "Anything you're looking for will be in this room, Doctor. This is the only room I can remember being in," I said shakily, glancing around the room while the unsettling contacts made me see every small detail I had categorized in my mind already.

Amy and Rory still had not entered the room; they stood in the door frame, Amy looking close to tears and Rory blinking madly, shaking his head dazedly. He met my eyes a moment later, and an unspoken word flowed between us, both sorrowful and painful, and I knew he understood.

As I watched the Doctor and River walk around the room scanning the various consoles, Frem gripped my hand tightly, anchoring me to the reality of this room, of these memories. I could almost see the outlines of people, the monsters who had made my life hell, come back to finish me off. The fear of death hit me like a tidal wave, returning to my mind as an old friend.

"No… no, this can't be. There's no way they have this technology yet… it's impossible!" The Doctor was looking at River in a panic, scanning it again and again, managing to bring the machine to life with the screwdriver. River's scanner was outputting complicated symbols and numbers onto its screen, flashing wildly. The rest of us rushed to his side, watching complicated computer code fly down the monitor and waiting for the Doctor's explanation. "Okay," he said calmly, stepping away from the machine. He turned to me, a careful expression on his face. "They've stolen your memories. They are filed into the computer system. And I'm not sure how to extract them, River's working on it." I watched her face, screwed up in concentration, her fingers flying over keys. "Also, something very not-good, well, something bad. Yes, definitely bad. They seemed to have been harnessing energy you released while the cell… healed you each day. And I think they've stored that too, but I'm not sure what for. Okay…," he breathed, pausing to let his thoughts settle.

"Doctor, its' really odd, but it seems the memories are actual files. We can't just download them or anything because I don't quite understand the tech involved in stealing them," River muttered, frustrated.

The pair of them babbled on, shooting theories back and forth that I couldn't pretend to understand. All that mattered to me was that my memories existed; they were there, somewhere, maybe within reach. And though there was something much more sinister going on, I felt whole, like the pieces were falling sickly into place. I looked up at Frem, and I knew he was thinking the same thing, as he offered me a tight smile, pleasure shining from his eyes.

"Don't come any closer," I heard Amy say in a low, threatening voice. I heard the click of a gun being aimed and slowly, fear flooding through my veins, I turned around to face whoever she was threatening.

"Oh bravo, Amelia, bravo. And you, Melody! My, how you've grown!" My stomach churned again as I froze, squeezing the life out of Frem's hand as my mind went numb. It was Kovarian, the woman who made me. And she was laughing. "My dear Ariadne, it is so wonderful to see you again. Ah, and you must be the brave knight in shining armor," she smiled sickeningly, gesturing to Frem. "I recognize you, don't worry. I know what you did to rescue her."

"What have you done?" The Doctor growled, crossing the room in two strides, landing inches away from the woman. "What have you done, because I swear to you I could kill you right now." He did not look like himself, breathing heavy and radiating anger and hatred.

Kovarian was not fazed at all. "Why don't you all take a seat and I'll explain what part you all play in this fantastic plan."

She gave another harsh bark of a laugh and waved a hand, and two huge creatures entered the room, creatures I had forgotten about until this moment. They were the ones erased from my mind, their faces more forbidden than my own past.

The Silence had arrived.

**Sorry about the cliffie, but I had to do it. Three more chapters to go, and the Silence have some serious stuff going on that needs to be stopped! Stay tuned and leave a review to let me know how I'm doing, or leave a guess for what you think is going on.**

**Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, and alerted/favorited this story!**

**xJessica**


	14. Reveal

Once I saw the creatures, I remembered every terrible thing they had done to me, and it all rushed back at me in one moment. I gritted my teeth, holding back a bank of words that begged to be shouted.

"What are you planning?" The Doctor asked again warily. He looked dark, dangerous even, and I knew this must be reminiscent of years of torment from this group.

"Easy now, Doctor. This is nothing to do with you," Kovarian taunted, grinning like a crazy person.

"It has to do with Ariadne. Therefore it has everything to do with me."

She tutted once. "Alright, then. As you may have gathered, we were able to extract memories from your daughter, with some difficulty. It was more difficult still, to find some way of viewing them and gaining information from them, but we got there. Once she stopped resisting us it was much easier to research, figure out what would get us the most energy. Oh yes, we had some great experiments, didn't we Ariadne?" She turned her head to me, still wearing that same, sick smile.

"Go to hell," I told her, a phrase I had used often in captivity but never with as much force as I had used now. I was not the same weak girl she had complete control of anymore. I was new, stronger than she could ever believe.

"Of course. That's my girl. I bet you are just dying to know what we've got up our sleeves this time. We've been building this for years and you lot are the final step."

"Right, stop stalling and explain," River demanded. I saw her hand resting on her hip, where her gun was, but it would be useless to draw a weapon with the Silent creatures in the room.

"With the help of these magnificent creatures, we've created a suggestion machine. It really was a technological feat! We've taken the abilities of the Silence and applied it to a large scale: we can suggest ideas to people from a long distance, to whole planets at a time! Not only across space, but with the help of a timelord, across all of time as well. All that ever was and will be, now and always, will belong to us. Every decision, every living being, will be under our command as the energy is amplified as time passes on. So, Ariadne. Where do you fit in? Well, any timelord will do under the circumstances but you were the perfect package. You are young, and were raised with exposure to the time vortex, so much so that it is wired into your genetic code. Once we looked through your memories and got enough information about your species, we were able to devise our experiments, and each time you healed in the stasis cell you released radiation to power the machine."

No one spoke for a few moments. It made so much sense, and the plan was so clear to me now that I felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. Of course they wanted control of the universe; The Silence had been a part of so many historical events that their obvious next step would be universal control. And what better way to do that than using temporal energy? All of time and space would be under their command, simple as that.

"Don't do this. Seriously, manipulation of time on such a large scale would make the universe extremely unstable. The entire thing would implode on itself, forever erased from existence. Trust me, I've already rebooted the universe once, I don't think I can do it again." The Doctor spoke quickly, but the urgent tone in his voice made me uneasy. I hadn't considered this, but then again, it wasn't something I could remember learning about.

"No need to play games with me, Doctor. I know how this ends. You will die, there's no way out this time. Did you really think Melody Pond could overcome our hypnosis just like that? With the suggestion machine we can get her to kill you with a snap of our fingers. In fact, all of you will die. There will be no need for timelords in our new world, silly species." Kovarian turned away from us and watched the door. Sure enough, four more men entered the room, all of whom I remembered very clearly. The man furthest to the right eyed me hungrily, and I remembered his face from some of my darkest days.

Frem's hand squeezed mine even tighter.

"Fascinating, very well done. You've forgotten a few things, though. First of all, I am not your Melody Pond anymore. My name is River Song, and I'm a whole new person than the young woman you knew so well. Second, you are dealing with not only the Doctor, the man who has evaded you for centuries, but you also have to face my parents. And third, I don't think you want to understand the effects of your actions. You will die too, as the universe collapses around you." River paced around the room, her eyes never leaving Kovarian's. She didn't seem fazed at all by the creatures or the burly men that had just arrived.

"The universe will not collapse if we don't want it to. Haven't you been listening? All of time and space at our beck and call. You can't just talk your way around this one, Melody. Give us a little more credit," Kovarian droned on, almost bored with us. "Now, you did us a favor by landing the TARDIS so close to here. We just needed that extra energy release to give things a kick start." She walked right past us to the beeping machine, so close to me that I could smell that same bitter perfume she always wore. I stared at the woman who I had hoped to never see again. Her face looked exactly the same, eye patch, dramatic make-up, and all. Her mouth was permanently fixed in a cruel grimace, the result of years of evil. "Yes, should be ready in exactly an hour."

"Please," I said to her, the first I had spoken in what felt like a long time. "Don't do this. What else do you want? Whatever it is, we can help you, just don't destroy these lives. No one could handle that much power." I took a step towards her, my wide eyes locked on her as she appraised me, one eyebrow raised in disgust.

"I could make you kill your father as easily as I will make your mother kill him, so don't test me, child. You were special once. But you're nothing now. And I will kill you. When this is all over, when you have watched everyone you love die, then I will take you myself as a reward for looking after you for months." She sounded utterly disgusted with me.

She then proceeded to turn her back to me, headed for the door, walking away from me because I was nothing. I think that is what did it, the way she looked as she turned around triggered something violent in my mind. My instincts took over and I pulled out the small gun, loading it with a click. "Not if I kill you first," I spat through gritted teeth. It didn't feel like me, this anger, but it consumed my spirit, turning all my energy to something akin to a machine; I didn't think, I just acted. I heard the Doctor's harsh voice telling me to stop, that it wouldn't be worth it, but I ignored it. After all, he said he could kill her. So why couldn't I try.

If anything, it made her turn around. "Oh, now look at this! Little Ariadne means to kill me. Well, no one's stopping you. Go ahead. Do it," she sneered at me, laughing maliciously.

I could picture it in my mind, her body lying on the floor, right in the spot where she had hurt me so many times. I watched the life leave her face, her all-seeing eyes closing for the last time, her body growing cold as it deserved. But I knew I would never pull the trigger. Not because of morals, or the Doctor's aversion to guns, but because she made me. Without a memory, I was a product of Madame Kovarian and no amount of time or violence could change that. She held the answers to my questions, had the materials necessary to fill the gaping holes in my head. And putting one in hers would do nothing to fix it.

My hand began to shake as she called my bluff, the failure written all over my face. I heard Frem whisper, "You're better than them, Ari." And I wished so badly for it to be true.

Kovarian laughed, louder this time, a wild cackle from her painted lips. "Take her," she said offhandedly, an afterthought of the day's work.

I hadn't even registered what the two words meant when everyone sprang into action. It happened very quickly: I went from Frem's side to directly behind him, almost flush against the wall. "If you touch her, I swear to you-," Frem started, but was cut short as the largest man took a powerful swing at him, missing by centimeters. He held his arms out as the rest of my family surrounded him, steeled expressions on their faces. One of the creatures at the door sent an electric shock shooting through the air, narrowly missing Amy. River's gun was drawn and she managed to shoot one Silent, but it was quickly knocked away as another man, Ratches was his name, delivered a swift chop to her hand. Rory was eye to eye with the short muscular man, his arms straining to push him back. The Doctor, not one I'd peg as a hand to hand combat man, was maneuvering around the fourth man, leading him backwards.

The large man whose name I didn't know was still cornering me and Frem, backing us further away from the group. Frem was putting up a good fight, but he was no match for the man. When my back hit the wall, I knew I needed to act. I had no idea how to fight, but I hoped instinct would kick in again and help me. I spun away from Frem, facing the attacker's side, and raised my gun above my head, ready to smash it into his skull. Just before I could make impact, he grabbed both my wrists in one hand and hit Frem square in the face with the other, sending him crumpling to the ground. I reached for him, thinking of nothing else but the blood pouring from a huge gash in his forehead, but it was too late. I struggled against the man, kicking and clawing at his skin, but it was as if he was made of thick leather. I fell to the ground, trying to squirm out of his grasp but it was useless. In one quick movement, he swung me up and over his shoulder, my torso hanging down his back.

And that was when I truly lost it. I screamed and kicked and twisted and bit at the man. I cursed and moved in ways that could only cause him pain. But he had a grip of steel, an unyielding force from years of experience.

It had not gone unnoticed by the others. The men swarmed around me, Ratches giving me a wink as they fended off River and Amy's furious punches. Everyone was screaming, but I couldn't hear what they were saying over my own screams. I saw Rory, though blurry from tears, unconscious on the ground, though not appearing to be seriously wounded. The Doctor was yelling at the top of his lungs, pounding at the man nearest to him but unable to get through. I saw all their faces and in that moment I prayed they wouldn't be the last things I ever saw.

I knew where the large man was taking me. It was home, my place of residence for 136 long days and nights. The stasis cell waited for me, its hatch staring up at me with cold indifference. I was getting dizzy from the fighting, and it was like day one all over again as the man bent down, opened the hatch, and forced me into the dark chamber. He had to shove me in a few times as I lunged for the door, but closed it with a resounding thud and I was consumed by the darkness.

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. If I could smell, I was sure I could have smelled the stench of my own flesh and blood, but my senses had turned off. I was numb, a shell of primitive emotion in the darkness. I was completely sealed off from the outside world, with no hope of escape.

Seconds, minutes passed, and the shell cracked. Terror, pure and unbridled, ripped through me like a sharp wind as sight and smell returned to me. Now I was on sensory overload. I could see every dark crevasse of the cell, smell everything that had ever been in here with me, and hear absolutely no sound from the outside. Reality hit me; I was going to die in here. There would be no way for the Doctor to overpower the men and the Silence. I was trapped, not only within the chamber but with every nightmare I had ever had. Things whispered at me from the dark, taunting laughs and painful cries, smoke and flames, ice and chains. It was all here, everything was happening at once and my head hurt and I thought I was losing my very sanity.

And then it shifted again.

_Day one. In the brief flash of light that falls across the cell as I meet it for the first time, I observe the room. The floor is an ambiguous dirt, the walls grey stone. But something is there… in the far corner there is a flash of white, something hidden in the wall. But before I can make it out I am surrounded with darkness, awaiting my healing from the first beating I received. The white is probably just a blip in my sight, a side effect of the concussion I most surely have, a hallucination maybe. _

_I will not give up hope yet. I do not know who I am, cannot answer the strange people's questions, but I have a feeling there is someone out there who is looking for me._

_If not, I will save myself. I'm that sort of girl._

And in that simple moment, that one insignificant detail, I know what I have to do.

It's me. I'm going to save the universe.

**And there, another chapter! I'm headed on a vacation so I won't have internet access for over a week… *shudder.* So stay tuned until then! Thanks for reading or better yet, reviewing! **

**xJessica**


	15. Push

That damn white speck of something. I had noticed it in passing several times in my months in this cell, and never had any desire to investigate it. But it all made sense now. There was a reason I kept remembering it, kept noticing it. I couldn't see an inch in front of me, and there was not even a crack of light bleeding through the door. I had to move though, I had to feel my way around the room somehow, needed to find the paper.

But I couldn't move. Fear and the memory had paralyzed me as I laid on my back, holding in screaming tears. I could feel adrenaline pumping through me, willing me to go, go, go. And it terrified me. I had been conditioned to lie still in the stasis cell and wait silently for the next visitor; being back in here had made me feel that looming doom headed my way, inescapable and huge. But this time I knew there were people out there on my side, family I needed to save this time around. I called their faces and voices to mind, and it was all I needed to pull myself up.

Slowly, I crawled to the closest wall I ran into, feeling carefully along the ground. I dug my shaking fingers into the dirt, trying to distinguish between the ground and my desired item. I passed over two walls with nothing, my eyes wide as I strained to see in the impossible darkness. I was covered in cold sweat, unaware of how much time had passed. It would be easy to forget about the world out there, as I knew all too well; the colors were hard to remember and even the brilliant red of Amy's hair seemed difficult to place. It felt like someone was squeezing the color and genius out of my head, drawing me into the cold place in my mind that was the 136 days.

I hadn't even made it a foot into the third wall when I started to panic again, feeling lost in the black space. The hopelessness I had fought off for so long was returning, and I could see Kovarian's face in my sight, sneering at me, telling me I was disposable. "You are weak," she was saying, "Pathetic. You are alone, you know that right? There is no one out there for you, not anymore. Your time is running out, Ariadne. And then you will be dead, along with the rest of your stupid species, and anyone else we want to join you." The words felt real, like they were being whispered in my ear, though I was completely alone.

"No…," I whimpered, leaning to press my face into my hands as if to scrub her voice from my mind. I didn't want her now, she was the last person I needed in my head.

But then I heard Frem's voice, and I didn't want that either. "I just want things to go back to normal. I don't want to fall in love with you again. You're not Ariadne. You just look like her." I cried out as the words stung, re-opening the wound in my chest. Maybe it was true. Maybe I wasn't meant to save the universe, I really was just a pawn in some sick game of chess.

But… they really were just words. And I concentrated and I believed in what I had seen, what I had felt, the worlds and emotions I had experienced with my family. Words do not stick as much as time does, months of rehabilitation cannot be collapsed by taunts.

And just like that, I moved on, the only remnants of panic a dull throbbing in my chest.

I dusted myself off and continued my slow search. As I rounded the corner to move to the fourth wall, I felt it: the subtle change in texture that indicated my fingers had found something more coarse and solid than the soft dirt. Gingerly, I pulled it out from where it had been half-buried. It was about the length of my hand, the width of a couple fingers. I knew that it must be my key to stopping this, that there was something written on the paper that could shut the whole thing down. No matter how it got there, I believed I could do it, there was just the small problem of being locked in a stasis cell. I had kicked and pushed at that door for 48 hours, only stopping when forced, and it had not done any damage at all.

Nonetheless, I felt my way to the door, shivering as I leaned my back against the freezing metal. I gave a half-hearted push, then a stronger one, then laughed at myself for even trying. Sighing, thinking of anything but the feeling of being trapped, I turned to lean my forehead against the cool door, forcing the memories to stay in the back of my mind.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, praying for an idea to come to me, or for someone to open the door. But eventually, I heard something. The door was creaking, vibrating, as if someone was opening it without a proper key. And I knew it was someone on my side when I heard the faint but distinct hum of the sonic screwdriver. I smiled faintly as light seeped into the cell, showing me the Doctor's face. He was disheveled, hair mussed up, blood running down from a cut on his cheek, but I had never been so glad to see him. I lunged out the door, quickly shoving the piece of paper into my pocket until it was safe to look at it. But the Doctor wasn't alone.

The scene in front of me was, well, somewhat unexpected, if I could have any expectations anymore. River was in a chair and the large man who had carried me was pointing a gun at her head. She met my eyes steadily in warning, and somehow I kept it together. Rory and Amy were sitting against the back wall, handcuffed to each other and furious. And Frem looked the worst of them all, handcuffed just outside the cell door. The Doctor was in front of me, fidgeting and moving his eyes around the room, and I could see a plan forming but wasn't sure how he would figure something out of this.

"What was the point of that, then?" I spat at them, glaring at the men and creatures stationed around their captives. "What did you do all that for just to bring me out again, hm?" I met each of their eyes with courage, ignoring the shakiness of my knees and my pounding hearts.

Kovarian entered the room again. "Our quota is… slightly under, upon further inspection. We need a bit more out of you, my dear, but don't worry. We can do it right here, give everyone a little show!" She smiled at me, her heels clacking on the white floor as she approached.

My mind scanned back over the revealed plan. It seemed to be too much of an oversight for Kovarian to make, so I feared there was something I didn't know. "What do you mean?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly as I shifted my weight backwards.

She laughed quietly. "Did you think we would tell you the whole plan upon your noisy arrival? Oh please, give us a little more credit. We outsmarted the Doctor a few times, and we can do it again."

It was then that the fear crawled back into me. If there was something I missed, something the Doctor had missed more than once… I suddenly did not feel confident with the paper in my pocket.

"We're going to make you regenerate, Ariadne. That will be all we need to kick start the suggestion machine. We harnessed your energy before, that part is true. But through your memories, we learned enough about regeneration that we are confident in its abilities." She spoke very slowly, letting each word sink through my skin in painful simmers. I held my tongue, barely holding in angry screams as Kovarian approached me to check on the machine. "Ten more minutes, dear. Then this will all be over." I flinched as she reached up a clawed hand to pat my cheek.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!" It was Frem, who had a sudden burst of energy and writhed against the chains, a hateful mask on his face.

"Oh dear, you've been nothing but a nuisance, all that shouting." She clucked, turning to face him, examining his face as if she were searching for something. She bent down next to him and whispered something in his ear, and I watched his muscles strain towards her in fury with what she had said. She stood up and nodded at the man next to him once.

Without warning the man drew a knife and held it to Frem's throat. "Shall this be the first death in our new world?" She spun around, watching all our faces with glee. I could hear Frem's breaths coming quicker as his eyes met mine for an instant, and I knew I had to act.

"That's enough, Kovarian," I said, stepping forward until I could smell her bitter perfume. "I'm not afraid of you anymore. Yeah, you were the stuff of my nightmares for a long time. But this is it." I spat the words at her, truly meaning them but also trying to buy time so no one panicked. Casually, I slid both hands into my pockets as I paced, fingering the piece of paper. "I realize now that you are the smallest thing in the whole world. That after all you have done, you feel nothing. You have no humanity anymore, if you even had it in the first place, and that is what truly makes you the lowest creature in this twisted universe." I broke her steely gaze and paced, two steps towards the Doctor and two steps back towards her. I knew the Doctor had seen the white slip when I flashed it to him, because it is his job to see things. He let out a small breath in return as I continued to speak. "And because you are so low, you failed at this job, yet again." Through my peripherals, I quickly scanned the machinery for a keypad or something to type with, but there was none. There was just an illuminated glass rectangle covering the desk in front of the main interface. "Because you've underestimated the timelords. And you've underestimated time travel. I've been told I was quite clever, back when I could remember how to do things, so who's to say I didn't figure out a way to stop you?"

She laughed dismissively, obviously not catching my subtle attempt at a threat. "You have no future to figure it out, Ari. You will die in six minutes. And we've seen your memories, too, we know you have very limited knowledge of us. Now, Ratches, I think we best get things started. Kill the boy."

And then in one quick motion I turned and slammed the paper down onto the glass rectangle, half-sure it would stop the machine, half of me just praying I wasn't doing something stupid. But Frem was about to die and if I didn't do anything, everyone else would too. One of the men grabbed me immediately, but I heard the machine whir violently and the damage was done. My relief was short-lived, as someone punched me in the stomach, sending me hurtling into Frem's chest. The room lit up with red lights, and I could hear the Doctor do a quick scan as he muttered to himself before someone overpowered him.

Kovarian screamed, enraged. "Oh, now you've done it. You've completely crashed the system!" She furiously combed through the interface, trying to find a way around the crash code, but it was done. The suggestion machine was finished. "Oh well. Your memories will be lost as irrelevant files. This whole building is going to explode with timelord energy, and it's not going to be pretty. So you still get to die, isn't that just lovely?" She had a crazed, manic look on her face as she staggered towards us, reaching for her gun.

"This has gone on long enough, Kovarian," River pronounced firmly as she walked away from the man who was guarding her, who she had somehow overpowered when we weren't looking. "Your time is up."

And without any further conversation, she aimed and fired a single blast at Kovarian, who fell to the floor at my feet, her one exposed eye wide open with shock. I imagined that she felt quite cold, in death, but hopefully she felt fear.

No one really had time to register it, as another fight was breaking out. The Silent creatures entered the room, quickly stunning the Doctor, who called out in pain but did not fall. River quickly shot it, and Amy promptly took care of the rest of them while Rory fended off Ratches, who had left Frem and me for the short one to deal with. I kicked out at his ankles when he approached and jumped up as he stumbled, giving him enough of a push to send him to the other side of the room.

The Doctor finally unlocked Frem's chains and he stood, ready to run. Just as River took care of the last man, the Doctor ran to the interface, using the sonic to manipulate the system. I approached him quickly, still terrified though we had defeated our enemies at hand.

"More Silents are on the way and this building is going to explode in two minutes. If I can diverge the energy field around the suggestion transmitter and into the main hard-drive, I may be able to download your memories right into your head. It won't be pleasant, but it just might work. Or kill you. Either one, I'm not quite certain," he rambled, mind working faster than his speech. The screen flickered to some complicated abstract-looking bank, of which I could only assume contained my memories. "Ah, not enough time. Ok, alright. Ari, do you want to do this?" He met my eyes, searching.

I looked around at the carnage that lay at our feet, at River, Amy, Rory, and Frem's bruised and bloody faces. They all were doing this because they wanted to, partially for me, but mostly because each of their lives had been touched and torn apart by the Silence. And I realized that all along, it wasn't my memory that I was fighting for; it was these people who saved me that mattered. And I was incomplete for not knowing our full history together, the good moments and the bad. "Yes," I told the Doctor. "I trust you. I'll be fine."

He didn't give me time for a second chance, or even time to say good-bye. He just nodded crisply, placed my hand on the glass, and pointed the sonic right at it. The noise of the machine was getting loud, and something had already exploded behind us, but we stayed, one last thing to do here. "Get ready to run! The download will take thirty seconds, which gives us, oh, ah, about twenty to get back to the TARDIS. Once we're there, get a bed ready for her," the Doctor shouted over the alarms, addressing the group but not facing them, still concentrated on the interface. "And, now!"

The green light of the sonic filled the interface with the same color light, and it washed around me as I felt an electric shock. I could hear the voices as I succumbed to the darkness of, what I hoped, was my mind.

And I fell.

**Ah, well there we are. A resolution (somewhat)! Sorry about the long wait, I realize that may have been a tad unfair to my faithful readers, but my vacation went longer than expected and upon arriving home I got really sick. Too sick to use a computer (for shame!).**

**Anyway, next chapter will be the last one, and I promise it will be up by the end of the week. And the piece of paper thing is not some silly convenient thing I threw in, I'll explain its meaning in the next chapter. Thanks for sticking with this story to the end, everyone. I really appreciate all the people who take the time to read this.**

**x Jessica**


	16. Ariadne

_Slipping_

I was dreaming. No, no, because this was too much for a dream. I was falling or flying, I wasn't sure which. I passed through times and spaces, seeing but not yet participating.

_Flashes_

of me, Frem, River, Doctor, Amy, Rory… Faces I couldn't place in my head. The light was almost overwhelming; there must be a place in my mind I could control, somewhere.

_Sifting_

I think I understood. This was me, all of it. My memories, myself. Everything was abstract; I couldn't take them all at once without it hurting. But then I saw him, Frem's face, and he saw me, pulling me up in a way only he could.

_I can see_

He was everywhere in my mind; lips and skin, laughing and crying, lusting and loving. I could see bits and pieces of it- life and all it brought to me. The planned future and the past molded into one strand of consciousness, and I remembered everything about us.

_Spinning_

Endless spiraling through my life, soaking in tears, dancing in laughter, crawling through anger, singing in sadness. It was a strange, strange thing, this life.

But then, as soon as it had begun, it was over. My head felt like it was going to split open with pain, as the force of the recall pushed against my skull. I couldn't even open my eyes- they felt glued shut as I remained trapped in the world of dreams. The world was silent too, but I could feel my throat vibrating as I screamed.

My skin was numb, but I hoped that Dad had moved me by now to the TARDIS to get me sorted. My senses were completely gone again; the only thing I was conscious of was my throbbing head and my thoughts.

And then I felt something cold spread through a point in my thigh and I slept.

I had no idea how long I dreamed for. There were memories, too many to account for, feelings I began to understand. It didn't feel like new memories were suddenly popping into my head; it was something deeper than that, something I couldn't touch.

The past was at my command, and I lived in it for as long as I slept. I glanced over my childhood, at the stability that came from the Doctor's erratic visits and trips with River and I. My life had been in jeopardy so very many times, almost as many times as Earth had been in trouble. I made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of people, and was responsible for deaths. I shared a history with my parents that was filled with tragedy and loss, but there were the shining days, the brilliant moments that were the reasons I carried on as I did. I understood everything now, could see the motives and fallout that came along with my kidnapping, and I could feel their pain at what I became in that time. I mourned the loss of my own memory, unable to believe I had stayed so healthy when I was missing out on so much… life.

All of history was woven through my DNA, side by side with the time vortex itself. I was created with time all around me by two people who could not be more important in the fate of worlds. And I think that is what made all the difference.

"_This switch here?" I stare at the console, trying to focus._

"_No, that's the mustard. Try again," Dad says calmly, sitting back as I learn._

_I sigh. "This is useless. The TARDIS must hate me. She won't let me learn."_

_He laughs. "No, no, I would know if she hated you. You just need… a little more confidence. She's not the boss of you, you can fly her if you want to."_

_I furrow my brow in frustration. "This one then?" I ask, pointing to a blinking purple light bulb wired onto the glowing panel._

_Dad smiles. "That's the one. Now, I'm going to give you a destination and you will take us to it. Ready?"_

_I take a deep breath and shrug. I will probably mess it up like I always do, but I know Dad will stop me if I'm about to blow the damn thing up._

_He checks his watch and makes a face. "Well, I was going to take you somewhere fun, but time tells me you have to be back to your mother by now, so take us there."_

_It is an easy destination, one I flew to once before. Slowly, I type the coordinates into the machine, triple checking the numbers and letters. Then: right red lever down, middle one up, left one at forty-five degrees. Time gauge check, good. Then: two steps right, twist hydron accelerator, fire engines, stabilize gravity field. And land._

_It is the smoothest flight I have ever piloted. I look at Dad, and he is beaming at me. He shakes his head and says, "Nice work. Now go, your mum's expecting you and a past me is coming for dinner."_

_I hug him, and he smells like mint and time vortex._

I smiled at the ease with which I could call memories to mind, and dissolved into a more recent one.

"_It's raining," I say, not making any move to run for shelter._

"_Is it?" Frem laughs at me as the rain falls around us. We stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk and just stand facing each other, looking like complete idiots._

_I shake my head in wonder, tilting my face up so the drops hit my bare skin. "I haven't actually felt rain in years, Frem. Isn't that strange? Everything I've seen… and no rain. None."_

"_What are you talking about? We had rain just yesterday," he says, staring down at my quizzically. _

_I barely know this boy, but there is something in him that draws me. I ignore his comment and take a step towards him, my face still tilted to the sky._

"_Who are you?" He asks quietly, and I know he knows that I am different._

_I meet his eyes with a snap of my head, our faces so close now. "I'm either a girl you met one day in London and never saw again… or I'm the girl who showed you the entire universe." His breathing picks up as I move closer I can feel his anticipation, and we are both thoroughly soaked and shivering from the rain. "You pick."_

"_Ariadne…," he breathes, "are you real?" The question stirs something in me, something in the back of my mind._

_Our noses are close enough to touch, and I know what will happen next is the defining moment of his perception. Just as I feel his cold hand brush my cheek, I whisper, "Stick around and see."_

_And his lips fall into mine as we tumble into forever for the very first time._

I felt the memory as if it had just happened, and it startled me back to consciousness. But waking up this time around was far more peaceful than the last time. I was in the white medical room again, but it seemed softer, less of a threatening place and more of a safe home. I wasn't in any pain aside from my head, which was quickly adapting to the extreme intake of memory.

I turned my head to see Frem, his head leaned against the wall, asleep in the chair. His mouth hung open, and I could hear him breathing slowly, his chest rising and falling effortlessly. His face looked pretty beaten up, and he had a bandage on his neck from where I assumed the knife had been pressed, but otherwise unharmed.

I didn't want to wake him yet, partially because I knew he needed some sleep but also because I was almost nervous to face him. I didn't know how he would react to me being back "just like that" if he had thought of me as a completely different person for the past few months. Truthfully, I felt like the same person I was without my memory, just with more stuff in my head. And that scared me.

I woke him up after a few minutes of adjustment; I sat up slowly, ignoring my aching head, straightening the sheets. I wanted to get up and change, as I saw a pile of clothes across the room, but I didn't think Dad would be happy with me if I ripped out my IV and other monitors. Carefully, I reached out and put my hand on his cheek, his skin just as soft as I remembered. It was then I realized just how much I missed Frem, how much my body missed him. It was just how it had always been- I just couldn't resist him.

He jumped awake, his eyes finding mine immediately. There was nothing I could say, nothing I needed to say to make him understand that it had worked- that I knew who he was now. He stared at me as I touched him, a wild tearful look in his eyes. Slowly, he leaned closer, bringing his hands up to take mine, kissing it and holding it to his face. "Ari…," he breathed, a tear slipping out. "I'm so sorry. For what I said about you, about you not being real. You were so real, I was just emotional and stupid, well, you know how stupid I can be. I just… I'm sorry." He buried his face in my stomach as he spoke, but I understood perfectly. It was so _Frem, _how he had acted. He was rash and impulsive, and had a habit of swallowing things so they could eat him from the inside. But that was why I loved him; he could apologize.

"Frem," I said, reveling in the name. "It's okay. I don't care. I love you." I hadn't told him that in a long time, and it felt so good coming out that I needed to say it again. "I love you."

He knew it, too, because he straightened, all tears gone now. He shook his head, smiling in disbelieving wonder. "I love you, Ari. So much." He stood up abruptly. "How do you feel? Does anything hurt? Should I get your dad?"

I laughed, simply because I had never felt better. "No, no I'm fine. It's just my head, but it's not too bad."

He grinned mischievously. "Well then," he said, moving towards me again. "Surprise!" And he jumped into the air, landing expertly on top of me, hands braced on either side of my head so that none of his weight rested on me. He had done it a thousand times before, but never in a hospital bed that creaked quite so loudly as he crashed down.

I laughed, smiling up at him. "You're impossible," I breathed.

He pressed his lips to mine once, twice, three times before pushing off me. I leaned into him as he lay next to me, and we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. We stayed like that for a long time, barely speaking, neither of us quite coming to terms with the rightness of it all. "I missed you," I said later on, entwining my fingers with his. "I can't believe I forgot how much we love each other." I laughed. "And we never got to finish our vacation! Italy was the best." He looked down at me and didn't say a word, just kissed me again. "Mm, well I suppose we have to pick a honeymoon spot now…," I trailed off, biting my lip to hold in a huge smile.

Frem laughed, a beautiful, natural sound. "So now you're in a rush to get married. No more putting it off? And who says we have to pick one place, anyway. We've got a bloody spaceship."

"If I could, I would marry you right now, do a quick version. But I don't think my gran could ever forgive me for that. She's quite keen to get me in her wedding dress."

He just shook his head and crawled out of bed. "I promised I'd call for your mum when you woke up. Brace yourself," he said, a hint of regret in his voice as he yelled for my parents.

Mum got there first and I could tell she knew I was fine right away. "Oh, Ari…," she breathed, shaking her head. She walked over to me and hugged me so very tightly, but I gripped her just as hard; she was mum, and I had missed her.

And then Dad came in and hugged me too and the world just felt so right for once in a long while. "Okay okay okay," Dad said, calming the frenzied reunion. "Before this gets too emotional, Ari, how did you get your hands on the crash code? This is very important, because if my theory is correct, we still have work to do. I scanned it, and it has a low-level perception filter. Does that mean anything to you?"

I nodded. "I remembered seeing it whenever light got into the cell. I don't know, I just sort of felt like it was important, so I took a gamble. I didn't even get a good look at the thing… it was just there and I didn't think it was important until… well, until it was."

Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled it out, unfolding it so I could see the writing. And then it clicked. "That's my handwriting," I murmured, taking it from him. "I didn't put this in the cell yet. But I think I will…"

"Of course! A simple time loop- you know the crash code because you gave it to yourself, hid it, protected it, and survived because of it. Oh, you are good," he babbled excitedly. "Right, well, we can do that without much trouble- I checked their records and the base was empty up until 6 months before they brought you there. You can go as soon as you feel up to it!"

I laughed and shook my head, marveling at it all. "It's good to be back. It's weird, because I can't quite remember how it felt to… not remember. But everything that happened… it was real." I trailed off, thinking for a moment. "But they're still out there, aren't they?"

No one spoke, but I knew. They were still afraid, still aware of the danger out there, however weakened it might be. The universe would never be safe, I knew that, but nothing could last quite as long as the Silence had. "Nevermind that for now," River spoke softly. "What matters is that we made it."

Life would move on as it always had, long before I came into the world. Planets would spin and fall amongst each other, galaxies and systems would form from dust, and stars would be born and die, immersing the universe with their terribly brilliant light. And we, a group of anomalies, would fly across them, the eye of the storm following us until there was no more. We would keep going because we wanted to, because of Earth and home and everything free we ever had.

And the moment I realized I was alright, I had not a clue of what the future held for me. I only knew what I wanted from it. I was ready for a quieter life, one with family and friends and only occasional aliens. If I had learned anything from losing my memory it was this: families work. There would always be room for one more on the TARDIS if I wanted, but our house on Earth looked like the best place in the universe.

**THE END…**

**I really am so happy with how this story turned out, so thanks for sticking with it for as long as I have. I am not sure if there will be a full sequel story, but I don't think Ariadne is quite finished with me just yet, so maybe a one-shot or two will pop up soon. Otherwise, I have two more fanfics fully outlined: one 3-parter in the Harry Potter world and one 10 chapter story in the 11****th**** Doctor's world.**

**Please leave a review so I know what you think of my very first DW fic! It's much appreciated!**

**xJessica**


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